


The book of You and I

by writingformadderton



Category: Rocketman - Fandom
Genre: Car Accidents, M/M, Memory Loss, Panic Attacks, RocketMan, the bodyguard - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:48:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25308505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingformadderton/pseuds/writingformadderton
Summary: Richard and Taron are a happy couple, hiding their relationship from the public. On their way home from a date they talk about coming out. They get involved into a car crash that will change everything overnight. Both of them have to go through their own trauma, but only one of them remembers everything…
Relationships: Taron Egerton/Richard Madden
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	1. Part One

Taron has his fingers tightly interlocked with Richard’s and smiles up to him. They just had a lovely dinner together at their favorite restaurant and are walking back to Richard’s car. The night is warm and the street lamps just turned on. Almost picture perfect. “Thank you.” he says.

“Oh that was nothing.” Rich says and smiles at him, fumbling in his pocket for his car keys. “Are you free tomorrow?”

“For you always, stunning.” Taron chuckles and stands up on his toes, kissing his cheek as Richard opens the car door for him. Taron wraps his arms around his waist and looks up to him with a big smile. “I love you so much.” he connects their lips to a sweet kiss and feels Rich fondling over his hair lovingly.

“I love you too.” Rich says smiling.

“Wanna stay the night? I’d love to have you close to me tonight.” he wiggles his eyebrows and giggles at Richard’s nod.

Richard just grins and closes the door behind him. He gets in on his side and buckles up before starting the car. “I think it’ll be good weather tomorrow. We could enjoy the sun a bit.”

“That sounds good.” T leans back in the seat and looks at Richard smiling.

“What?” he asks and focuses back on the road.

“I just love it when you drive, feels safe.” Taron mumbles and watches him adoringly. “I love you, Richie.” he says and doesn’t care about the fact that he told him that a few minutes ago.

“I love you too.” he says and smiles shortly at him.

“When exactly will we tell the public we’re actually a thing?” T asks and scratches his neck. “I mean we can’t hide it anymore and I don’t want to. I wanna spend my life with you and grow old with you.” He yawns a bit and looks over at his boyfriend. “And I don’t care if there are people that don’t like it, because you mean everything to me and I’ll never leave you.”

Rich smiles softly at his words. “We can announce it whenever you want.”

“How’s about when you win awards for bodyguard?” T teases him.

“It’s not even finished and you’re already thinking - Fuck.” Rich sees the woman crossing the street almost too late and pushes the brakes. Realizing that won’t be enough, he pulls the steering wheel right and they crash into a wall with the front of the car. Richard hears a loud bang and sees Taron’s head hitting the dashboard. He rubs his face and tries to push away the shock in his body to help his boyfriend.

Taron moans loudly as he pulls back a bit and holds his head. “Fuck.” he presses out and groans in pain. The pain in his head is excruciating and he carefully takes his hand away, feeling something wet. His hand is covered in blood and nausea takes over his body. He leans forward and retches. “Richie?” he whimpers in pain.

Richard turns at the sound of his name and sees how pale Taron becomes. His face is covered in blood and there’s a nasty wound on his forehead. “Fuck, T, are you okay?” His boyfriend retches and throws up all over himself, coughing. Richard tries to open his own seat belt and succeeds after the fifth try. He leans over to Taron and rubs his back smoothly. “It’s okay. We’ll get you in a hospital.” he assures him and Taron braces himself, holding his pounding head and moaning loudly.

“I-I don’t think I can make it.” he groans and leans forward a bit. He never felt so much pain in one area and tears begin to well up in his eyes. “Fuck it hurts so much.” he groans and pushes himself up as he realizes he will pass out soon. Looking at Richard, maybe for the last time, he smiles weakly. “I love you forever, okay?”

Taron rolls his eyes and goes unconscious. Richard curses loudly and moves to get out. He tries to open the door, but it doesn’t work. “No, no, no.” he whines and tries again, throwing his body weight against it. He looks back at Taron. His white shirt is covered in blood now. Richard needs to get him out of here. He throws himself against the door over and over again until the door opens. Rich stumbles outside and rushes onto Taron’s side. He opens the door and unlocks his seat belt. Pulling him out of the car isn’t exactly easy when he doesn’t have any help. He tries his best.

The woman he nearly ran over suddenly appears next to him and helps him to get Taron outside. “Oh my god I am so sorry. I didn’t see the red light.” she apologizes and Richard can smell alcohol. “I called an ambulance. Is your friend okay?”

“No he’s not.” Obviously, Rich curses to himself. He holds Taron close feeling panic rising rapidly in his body. There was nothing more he wished for now than them working on set and the director screaming cut as soon as the ambulance rolled onto the scene. But there is no cut and no scene to be acted. It’s real life and consequences are ahead.

Later at the hospital, a nurse checks on him and asks him if anything hurts. Richard only shakes his head and takes the bottle of water thankfully. She brings him into the private room they’ll bring Taron into later and recommends him to get some rest.

But the shock and anxiety in his body are pulsing too rapidly to rest, so he paces the room and only sits down when exhaustion hits him.

After what felt like a week, but was only an hour, a nurse brings Taron in, lying on a bed. He’s sound asleep and his head is wrapped with gauze, the blood on his face gone. As soon as the nurse disappears, Richard leans down to him and places a kiss on his head. “I’m so sorry, bubs. I never wanted you to get hurt.” he whispers and fondles over his hair. He grabs his cold hand and strokes over his bruised knuckles.

After a while, he calls a taxi and heads home. He steps into the bathroom and sees his trousers and shirt that are covered in Taron’s blood. He has some leftover on his hands as well and he quickly turns on the water in the sink. He makes it hot and rubs his hands clean in quick movements. His sight starts to blur as he feels tears burning in his eyes. “Fuck!” he slams the soap into the sink and runs his wet hands through his curls shaking. “Why not me? Why Taron? Oh for fucks sake!” he curses and tries to take deep breaths. But it doesn’t take long for him to crouch down onto the floor and break down. 

The love of his life was lying in a hospital bed and his fate unknown? What was Rich to do? What could he do? He racks his brain until exhaustion hits and he sighs. He forces himself up to take a shower and throw the bloody clothes in a bag so they can be washed apart from the other clothes. He slides into bed and tries his best to get some rest.

The next day, he cleans his apartment up and prepares the sofa for T. He would take him home as soon as he could and take care of him. Taron would probably tell him he’s okay and go to his own apartment, but Rich wouldn’t let that happen.

He had to take care of him. He was the one who got him into this predicament in the first place. His conscious just couldn’t let Taron recover on his own. He takes one final look at things and grabs his phone and keys. He leaves his place and heads out to start his day.

Some time later, he walks into the hospital and carefully opens the door to Taron’s room. Seeing Taron is awake, he feels relief swapping over him and he lets out a deep breath. “Hey, how are you?” he asks and walks over to him. He leans down, places a kiss onto his hair and fondles his cheek. “I’m so glad you’re okay, baby.”

“Who are you?” Taron asks confused and pushes him away.

“What?” Richard raises his eyebrows and takes a step back. “Come on, that’s not funny.” he chuckles weakly.

“I’m not joking.” T says firmly and watches him observantly.

“When is your birthday?” he asks. Taron shrugs his shoulders. “What’s your favorite food?” another shrug. “The name of your mum is Maria.”

“Okay?” T says confused.

“No, it’s Tina.” Rich says and feels fear creeping up in him. “Taron, this is not funny.”

“I’m not making fun of you. How would I know who you are if I don’t know who I am?” he asks a bit annoyed and looks out of the window. Who the hell was this guy and why was he asking him all these questions? 

“You really don’t remember anything?” he asks and falls down onto the seat next to the bed heavily.

“Nothing.” he says and it scares him a bit. Anyone could walk in and tell him anything. Doesn’t mean it’s true. He needed answers. He pushes the button for the nurse.

She comes inside and greets the stranger friendly. “Oh Mr. Madden, how are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” he barely gets out and looks at Taron still a bit startled.

“So, Taron, how are you feeling? Is everything alright? How is your head?” she asks and puts a water bottle and some pills on the bedside table.

“I’m fine.” T says and looks down at his knees. “Miss, do I know him?”

Richard’s heart breaks a little at the question and he bites his lower lip. This was worse than he could have ever imagined. Looking at Taron, he sees he isn’t mocking him. T looked horrified, confused and hurt. He just wants to wrap him up in a blanket and take him home, but now he doesn’t know if that will be even possible.

“Yes, you do. Richard is your boyfriend.” she says softly, looking at Richard shortly who told her yesterday when she asked him how he was related to T.

“My - what?” Taron’s eyes widen and he looks at her shocked. I had a boyfriend? Since when?

“I know it is all very confusing at the moment. Taron you had a bad accident yesterday and you hit your head really hard. You’re suffering from retrograde amnesia, which means you’ve forgotten a lot from your life before the accident.”

“Will I ever remember it again?” Taron asks timidly. It was all too much at one time.

“I can’t assure you that at the moment. But a few things will come back to you. Sometimes when you go to places you used to love, the familiarity comes back.” she suggests and smiles reassuringly.

“Oh yeah. And how am I supposed to remember those places?!” he asks pissed. “But thanks for the advice, I’ll take a tour around the world and see what comes back to me!”

“Don’t be so harsh. She’s trying to help.” Richard says and watches his upset boyfriend.

“I don’t know you, so don’t tell me what to do.” Taron says harshly and Rich swallows hard. He huffs out air from his mouth and looks out of the window. “I wanna be alone.” neither Richard nor the nurse move for a moment. “Please!”

Richard gives in and gets up, walking out quickly. The nurse closes the door and smiles at him compassionate. “I’m sorry. I would have warned you if I had seen you before you went inside.”

Rich just nods slowly and folds his arms in front of his chest. “This is permanent, doctor?” he asks and swallows hard.

“I fear it is. He will have to start all over. At this rate, I’m afraid he won’t let you help him.” she says slowly.

“So I lost my boyfriend in that accident?” he asks and bites his lower lip nervously.

“I’m sorry.” she says low voiced.

“Not your fault.” he says and sits down on one of the seats in the corridor. He looks down at the floor and his thoughts race. Did he really lose Taron yesterday? His one and only, his sweet cuddly love? His throat gets tight and he feels tears burning in his eyes. He thinks back to how Taron wanted to tell the public that they were a couple, how he talked about their future with big, shining eyes. The way he said he feels safe when he’s driving, only to get into a car crash not even two minutes later. The tears roll down his face and he sniffs knowing he needs to calm down.

“Ehm, hey. She said you can bring me home.” A soft voice speaks and gently nudges Rich.

Richard opens his eyes and sees Taron’s sneakers in front of him. He looks up and meets his favorite pair of eyes. “Yea? That’s good to hear.”

“You’re crying?” T asks and raises his eyebrows.

“Allergic.” he mumbles and wipes his cheeks clean.

“Inside?” Taron’s voice sounds a bit shocked and he tilts his head in both directions. “To what?”

This shit, he thinks to himself. “Sanitizer.” he says seeing one near and hears Taron chuckle.

“Sure.”

Richard opens the door to Taron’s apartment and lets him step inside. He looks around and rolls his eyes a bit seeing the mess.  
“Oh I’m messy. I like it.” T says and Rich chuckles softly. Taron wanders around in his apartment and looks into the rooms. It’s strange to imagine he lived here and thought it would never be unknown to him again. T sees a few pictures standing around on a little table and walks over there slowly. “Who is she?” he asks.

“Your mum, Tina.” Rich says and sees the selfie of them, himself pressing a soft kiss onto Taron’s hair, next to the photo he was examining. It was Taron’s favorite.

T then looks at the same photo and frowns a bit. “I don’t think I can do this.” he says and points at the picture. Richard nods slowly and watches T take it out of the frame. Taron hands it to him, contorting his face. “I think I’ll get some sleep.” He speaks lowly and makes his way to his bedroom.

Rich stands silently, the photo in his hand. His love was gone and there was no coming back. With a sigh, he leaves the apartment, tears welling his eyes.

Coming to the apartment the next day wasn’t the best idea. 

Taron is unsure about having Richard around him, not knowing him anymore. It’s hard for him to process that he doesn’t know anything and can’t even trust himself. They sit at the dining table sharing coffee when Taron speaks up. “Listen, I know you wanna help me but I - I need some time alone.” Taron starts and plays with his hands nervously. “I don’t even know what we were or if you really are who you told me you are.”

“Taron, I wouldn’t lie to you. You were my boyfriend.” Rich says tiredly and rubs his face.

“There was never an us. At least not in my memory and that makes it fucking hard to trust you.” Taron says firmly and runs his fingers through his hair. “How could I be able to love someone when I don’t even know myself?”

Richard watches him sad, his heart wrenching at his words. “I don’t know.” he admits.

“I can’t do this. I need some space and I need to figure things out, figure out who I am.” Taron says and Rich nods slowly.

“Okay then. Call me if you need help with anything.”

Three months go by.

Richard hasn’t heard anything from Taron since that day. It hurts to think his life turned upside down that night. To him, it feels like Taron died in that car crash this night. He is just unreachable now. His thoughts are constantly spinning, the car crash haunts his dreams, and wakes him up with screams for help following.  
He spent a lot of time with his Bodyguard costar Keeley, who never failed to cheer him up but also gave him time to be sad about it. Richard is still struggling to this day.  
Richard plays with the buttons of his suit nervously and looks at the car in front of him. Today was the day they would shoot the scene of the attack during the car ride. His costar and dear friend Keeley steps next to him and pats him on the back. “You’re ready for today?”

“I hope so.” he says and smiles shortly at her.

She nods quickly and watches him carefully. She could easily see how much it’s pulling on her friend’s nerves to act this scene. “We’ll get it done quickly and then we’re done for today. We could spend the rest of the day together if you want to.”

He smiles at her, grateful, and nods. “I’d like that.” he says and she nods smiling.

They sit down in the car and begin the scene. Keeley says her line, then the shot rings through the air. The driver falls back in his seat before sinking down his head. Then comes the cut and Richard is glad to get out of the car. They cover his face in blood just like his shirt, Keeley’s white suit is now covered in fake blood and Richard’s stomach turns seeing it. The picture of Taron’s white blood-stained shirt appears in his mind. But he gets himself together and gets back in the car.  
They start again, their driver’s head sinks down and Richard knows he has to slip back into playing David and grabbing the steering wheel to get them to safety. But the sounds, Keeley’s screams in the backseat and all the fake blood does him no good. He feels himself getting cold while his body starts shaking and he breathes deeply, on the edge of a breakdown.

All he can think about is himself pushing the breaks and seeing Taron crashing his head on the dashboard. He sees himself trying to calm Taron down, who’s bleeding heavily and throwing up all over himself while trying to breathe. Taron’s body going limp while he tries to open the door, throwing himself against it and opening his seatbelt. Richard buries his face in his hands and sinks down in his seat trying to focus. The name of his former boyfriend leaves his lips like a curse and he feels nausea creeping up in him.

Keeley quickly realizes what’s going on and sees Richard starting to panic. She needs to stop this before it gets worse. She knew this would be torture for her friend. “Stop it, cut!” she says firmly and opens the door, getting out quickly. “Richard, hey, mate.” he suddenly hears Keeley next to him and feels her hand on his shoulder.

“I can’t - Keeley- I.” he stammers and looks at her with wide blue eyes. Richard grabs the hand she’s holding towards him and tries to breathe.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything.” she leans over him and opens the seatbelt. “Come on, get out.” she urges him softly.

Rich gets out shaking with her help and holds himself at the door as his world starts spinning. He leans forward, resting his head on his hands and lets out a shuddery breath. Fuck.

Keeley rubs his back smoothly and waves her assistant closer. She takes the blanket that was meant to be hers and wraps it around her shivering mate. “Here take my blanket.” she watches him worried and sees how pale his face now was. “You should sit down, Rich.”

“Not in the car.” he presses out and takes a deep breath, standing up straight.

“Okay, then on the floor.”

“They’ll kill me if I sit down on the floor with this suit.”

“Oh fuck that! I don’t care about that. Sit down now.” she urges him and pulls him down. She sits down in front of him in her heels and white suit, not having a single care in the world if it gets dirty. Keeley opens a bottle of water and hands it to Rich, who takes it with a weak smile.

Their director comes towards them and looks down at Rich. “Are you alright, Richard?” Rich just nods and takes a gulp of water. “Brings it all back, huh?”

Richard closes the water bottle slowly and his grip around it gets tight. Of course it does! He remains silent, feeling panic in him mixing with hopelessness.

“I’m sorry but we can’t do this again today.” Keeley speaks firmly and gets up. She reaches her hand out for Richard, who grabs it and pulls him up. “Let’s get out of these clothes.” the Brit wraps the blanket around him tightly again and wraps her arm around him as she walks him away from set.

Richard puts on his clothes and follows Keeley to her trailer. He remains silent as she turns on the water boiler and puts some cookies onto a plate. She disappears in her bathroom and comes back with some make-up remover tissues. Her own face is now clean and she leans down to Richard, wiping away the fake blood and dirt, cleaning his face softly. “Thank you.” he mumbles and watches her throwing them away.

She gets two cups and fills them with the hot water, adding two tea bags and some sugar. Sitting down next to him, she wraps her arm around him and rubs his shoulder lovingly. “Are you alright, my dear?”

Richard shakes his head and rests his head on her shoulder. “I don’t think I can do this scene. Seeing the blood on your white suit reminded me of his shirt. The way our driver sank down transformed into Taron fainting in my mind.”

“I’m sorry bout that, Rich.” she says lowly and fondles over his hair. “We’re gonna find a way.”

“I just wanna forget the accident. And him.” he says sadly. “Sometimes I wish that I hit my head just as hard.” he admits, but feels bad about it. This wasn’t fair. Taron had to struggle to get his memory back and here he was sulking, wishing he was in his place.

“You’d really prefer not knowing who you are, not even your name, over this here? The constant paranoia that you know everyone who knows your name? How do you think it will affect his relationship with his fans? Some could tell him stories that aren’t even true.” she states and remains silent for a moment. “Imagine reading all the fake articles about stupid things you never said or did. You wouldn’t know your mum anymore. Your youth would be gone. Your first acting experiences. Everything that is normal for us.” she sighs a bit. “That isn’t what you want. And T needs time to cope and get his life back.”

“Yeah, I know. It just hurts. I don’t wanna feel this way anymore.” he mumbles and rubs his face tiredly.

“Richard, nice to meet you again.” Dexter Fletcher says and sits down opposite him. “So, you’re the top candidate of our role for John Reid. But it was brought to my attention that you aren’t thrilled about it anymore.”

“I- Well to be honest I’m neither a singer nor a dancer and since you wanna make it like a musical -.” Rich says and scratches his neck. He didn’t want to do this because he simply was bad at it.

“We have one dancing sequence with our main actor planned for you. We’ll see if it makes the final cut. You would sing one song and of course we would transform it into a scene.” Dexter explains and watches the man in front of him. He hadn’t told Richard that Taron was the leading man yet. Everyone heard about the car crash and knew their paths parted afterwards due to Taron’s retrograde amnesia. Dexter saw both of them struggling with their own lives after the crash. This could be another major reason for Richard to back out. But they wanted him so bad. He was perfect and Elton approved of the choice.

“Mm okay.” Rich says and thinks for a moment. “Who is playing Elton? You didn’t tell me yet.” he thinks and it seems strange. Dexter is normally raving about his actors and the excitement of the project overall. But he seemed to be holding back.

Dexter takes out his phone and connects it with his headphones. He gives them to Richard and watches him put one in his ear. “Just listen. Maybe this will help with your final decision. It’s a raw version but who cares.”

Richard frowns a bit but decides to give in. He can hear the first notes of Rocketman and as soon as he hears the singer starting, he looks at him shocked. “Oh.” he just says and listens. Taron’s angelic voice sends goosebumps all over his body, like it did every time before.

Dex remains quiet and watches Richard closely. The man in front of him looks lost in thoughts and his deep blue eyes are brimmed with tears.

Richard is stuck in his memories while listening to Taron singing. He bites his lower lip nervously and the vulnerability and softness in Taron’s voice hurts him physically. Damn, his golden boy still had an amazing voice. When the song stops, he looks at the table for a moment. “And you think playing the lover of my ex-boyfriend is a good idea?”

“Tell me.” Dex says and raises his eyebrows challenging. “Tell me this song, with his bloody amazing voice, didn’t touch you. Tell me you would give away the chance to get to know him all over again. Tell me you don’t want him to meet you again.” he sees Richard squirming a bit in his seat. “Do it and I’ll tell Elton that Richard Madden doesn’t want the role anymore.”

Richard folds his arms in front of his chest. “You do know it isn’t fair to just throw me into this all of a sudden? Exposing me to Taron this way?”

“It might have been a bit unfair.” Dex admits with a smirk.

“God Dex, you drive me crazy.” he sighs and shakes his head a bit. “Fine, I’ll do it. But just because you and Elton seem to want me so badly.”

“Okay! Ehm this might be a bit quick now, but I have T with me.”

“Shut up.” Richard says and his eyes widen. “Dex, don’t you dare-.”

But then the door opens and his former boyfriend steps in. “Hey, Dex you’re still on it or -?”

“No, it’s fine, Taron. Meet your new costar.” he says and gets up, seeing the look in Richard’s eyes. “I’ll let you get to know each other.” he says and winks at Rich, who can’t stop himself from rolling his eyes.

Taron watches him leave and smiles at him shyly. “Hi.” he says and walks over to him.

Richard gets up and shakes his hand. “Hey.”

“I’m Taron, do I know you? I’m sorry, weird question. I lost my memory in a car accident. Well, at least that’s what they told me.”

“Yeah, I heard about that.” I was driving, he thinks. But he couldn’t tell him that. “I’m Richard.”

“And you are playing-?” he sits down and watches him curiously.

“John Reid.” he says and sits down as well.

“Oh yeah. Sorry again. Sometimes I struggle to keep any information I get.” he chuckles softly.

“No problem.” Rich says with a weak smile.

Taron watches him observantly and he gets a funny feeling. He knew him from somewhere. “You seem familiar to me. I think I’ve seen you before.” he looks into his deep blue eyes and the brown slightly curly hair. The accent wasn’t unknown as well, it matched with his voice perfectly. “Have we met, like a month after the accident?”

“No.” That wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Okay. I can’t remember anything before and the month after the accident happened. It’s all a blur so I don’t really know what I was doing.” he explains. “Probably watched one of your movies.” he grins.

“Maybe.” Rich says with a small smile.

“So what convinced you to stay? Dex told me you considered not doing it.” Taron says and looks at him questioning.

“To be honest, it was you singing.” Richard admits softly. “You got a beautiful voice mate, sent goosebumps all over my body.”

“Oh, thank you.” Taron says and blushes smiling.

Oh God, don’t do that to me, he thinks. Not the blushing. “So how is your life now? Must be difficult to handle it all on your own.”

“Oh yeah, I’m doing okay. My mum helped me in the beginning, she’s lovely. Meeting her the first time was strange. I found out I have two younger sisters. Now I’m living on my own in the apartment and well I apparently worked with Dexter before. He decided to help me out as well.” Taron explains and looks down at the table. “I don’t know much about my friends from my earlier life to be honest. And almost nothing about the car crash.”

“No?” Rich asks confused. “You could have looked up your name.”

“I don’t wanna risk reading some fake news.” Taron says with a weak smile.

“Oh, yeah.” Richard says and an awkward silence lies between them.

T plays with his hands nervously. “The only thing I have is something I found in my jacket. I’ve been carrying it with me since then.” Taron pulls something from his trousers. He unfolds the piece of paper and looks down at it. Richard’s throat tightens at that sight and he presses his lips together. “It has my name on it, my mum’s phone number, and what happened to me.”

Rich looks down at it and recognizes his own hand writing. Seems like T kept the last memory he has of him.

Taron looks up and sees the tears in Richard’s eyes. “You okay?” he asks worried and watches him observantly.

“Yeah, just - an allergy.” he says and thinks back when he made up this lie.

“To what?” Taron asks and tilts his head sideways.

“Flowers.” he nearly chokes on the word and points at the flowers in front of them.

Taron gets up and throws them in the trash. “You could have said something, mate.”

He doesn’t know what hurts more. The way Taron just threw away what supposedly caused his tears or that he called him mate. “It’s okay.” he says with eyes full of tears.

Later that day, Richard calls Keeley and tells her everything. He doesn’t feel ready to work with Taron, who seemed to forget the first two days he left the hospital. It all happened too fast and it hurt him physically to look into those beautiful eyes he fell in love with all this time ago. It was strange to see the man who used to be his boyfriend, his clumsy funny lover who always wanted him close, become so distant from him. It’s worse than a break up because the Taron he knew was gone, without a warning, overnight.

Thinking back to Taron’s last words, he starts crying. I love you forever, okay? Did he realize he wouldn’t be the same afterwards?

How could he ever be able to start over again with Taron? Maybe they would never be madly in love again and it would only be a product of Richard’s imagination combined with some suspicions from the magazines.

“Keeley, I can’t pretend I don’t know the way his lips taste. Or how his hair felt underneath my fingers, his smell when he cuddled into me.” he says sadly and looks up at the ceiling.

“I guess you have to. Richard, the Taron you know is gone. It’s time to start over with him, hun.”

Richard tunes out the rest of her words as tears fall down his cheeks and his heart starts racing. This wasn’t right. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. They were happy, so madly in love, their whole future in front of them. Both thinking they would spend it together. Oh god, they were so wrong.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding out that Taron forgot their encounter at the hospital, Richard can’t imagine working with him. He’s avoiding Taron and coming as late as possible on set, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Dex. Dexter confronts his friend, which leads to small chat between T and Rich. But will a new start really be that easy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You don’t look at him. You don’t talk to him. Taron honestly thinks you don’t like him.” he raises his eyebrows as he shrugs his shoulders. “Come on, get yourself together and talk to him. You can get to know him again. He’s just as sweet and kind as before.”
> 
> “That’s exactly the problem, Dex. He still is the person I fell in love with. He just doesn’t know it anymore.” Rich presses out and grabs his car keys. “I’m gonna go home now.”

They have three weeks until one of the first shoots of the film and Richard doesn’t feel good at all. He’s feeling sick, can’t sleep and is suffering from tremendous headaches. Just the thought of being close to Taron, dancing with and kissing him drives him crazy. It seems as though everything has been moving so fast since the accident. Dex told him that they wanted to include a scene of them making out and potentially a sex scene. That sent Richard’s mind into a loop. How on earth could I do that? Bad enough I have to play his ex-lover. This role would destroy him from the inside out until there would be nothing left. He downs his drink in one go and gets up sighing, getting his car keys.

He arrives at the meeting with a bad stomachache, feeling nervous. He quickly steps in and sits down. Richard came very late on purpose so he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. He keeps his eyes focused on the table most of the time and can barely concentrate. Taron is opposite of him and is trying to pay attention to what’s going on. Eventually, the meeting comes to a close and Dex turns his attention towards Richard.

“Rich, what do you think?” Dexter asks, noting the spaced out look on his face.

“I think that’s a good idea.” Richard says and sees Dexter’s grin and hears Taron chuckle. “What?”

“You’re alright mate? ‘I think that’s a good idea’ isn’t really the answer to where should we grab some food?” he laughs a bit and sees Richard’s weak smile. His mind was clouded, Dex recognized that look.

“Sorry, I’m tired. Can’t really focus at the moment.” he says and looks away quickly. His hands resting on the table holding his attention.

“Then it’s a good idea to take a break.” Dex answers and gets up. “T, could you ask Giles if he wants something as well?” Taron nods with a smile and stands. As soon as the Welsh left the room, Dexter looks at Richard again. “Rich, what the hell are you doing?”

“Hm?”

Dexter rolls his eyes a bit. “Look at you. You’re pale and look like you haven’t slept in a week. Listen, if this is about T-.”

“Not everything has to do with him, Dex.” Richard snaps a bit. He gets up, starting to back away from Dex and this conversation. Of course it was because of him, but who cares?

“You don’t look at him. You don’t talk to him. Taron honestly thinks you don’t like him.” he raises his eyebrows as he shrugs his shoulders. “Come on, get yourself together and talk to him. You can get to know him again. He’s just as sweet and kind as before.”

“That’s exactly the problem, Dex. He still is the person I fell in love with. He just doesn’t know it anymore.” Rich presses out and grabs his car keys. “I’m gonna go home now.”

“Richard.” Dexter says warningly and Rich raises his eyebrows, challenging him. Maybe Dex would kick him off the project if he kept on behaving that way and his problems would be gone. Doesn’t seem like such a bad idea actually.

But before either of them could get a word out, Taron comes back and steps into the doorframe, that same smile on his face from before. “Okay. It took a minute, but Giles doesn’t-” He looks up at the two, but there’s a sudden tension in the air that wasn’t present before. “Is everything okay?” T asks, seeing the mixture of hurt and anger in Richard’s eyes and the annoyance in Dexter’s.

“Richard wants to go home.” he says and steps back.

“Oh…okay.” Taron says lowly and plays with his hands nervously. What happened while I was gone? “ Are you okay, mate?”

Richard turns towards him slowly and just shakes his head. “Not really, but it’s just something I have to figure out on my own.”

Dexter growls a bit and walks out of the room. T watches him walk off for a short moment before stepping inside and closes the door. “Can I help you anyhow?” He asks soft and hopeful. But the Scottish shakes his head and looks back down at the floor again. “I-I don’t know what happened in your life, but if I can help you anyhow, please tell me.”

Richard presses his lips together and looks up again. “I don’t think you can fix this.” he says and his voice shakes. God, he hates how emotional he became over the last few months. All because of the accident. Keep it together!

“Maybe talking will help a bit. You wanna tell me about it?” he asks while keeping his eye on the man. His body language shows his hesitation. What the hell happened to him?

“I-I can’t.” he says and frustration wells up inside him. He never told Taron about them exactly. So naturally, he wasn’t going tell him how him forgetting their relationship is killing him softly. It wasn’t his fault.

“Is it that bad?” Taron asks and watches him carefully. Richard looked trapped, caught up in thoughts and his emotions. He doesn’t like seeing anyone this way and he wants to help him.

Richard lies his car keys back on the table and remains silent for a moment. “I lost someone really important a few months ago and I haven’t figured out how to cope with it fully yet.”

“Oh, Rich. I’m sorry to hear that.” he says and his eyes soften, his heart hurting for him.

“It happened without a warning and that makes it a bit tougher to deal with it. He just was gone over night.”

“Gone like dead?”

“Kind of.” Richard says and shakes his head at himself. Kind of? Come on, Rich.

“How do you mean?” he asks confused.

“I…..” He bites his tongue. It was too much. “Would you mind if we stopped talking about this now?” he smiles at him weakly and looks away from him when he feels the tears threatening to fall down his cheeks.

“I don’t know what exactly happened, but I’ll do my best to cheer you up a bit, okay?” he asks and walks over to Rich. “You’ll get through it and you’ll be okay again. And if you ever wanna talk, I’m all ears.” he rubs his shoulder shortly and smiles softly when Rich looks up to him with tears in his eyes. “You look like you could use a hug.” he carefully wraps his arms around Richard and bites his lower lip nervously.

Richard’s thoughts start racing, but he wraps his arms around him as well. He buries his face in his shoulder, taking in the familiar sweet scent, and feels himself calming down. At the same time, his throat tightens as he tries to bite back the tears. Being here in his arms didn’t particularly make it better. Not in their current circumstances.

“I thought maybe something was wrong on set or you didn’t like me. You seemed a bit distant.” Taron says while rubbing his back smoothly.

“I’m sorry about that. You remind me of him sometimes.” Rich says and decides to cover it up with another lie. Well it wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Oh, so he was a clumsy dumbass as well?” T asks giggling.

Rich chuckles. “Yeah, sometimes.” he pulls back a bit. “I’m sorry. It isn’t your fault what happened that night. I’ll try to get myself together.”

“It’s okay. We can struggle together.” he says with a soft smile and takes a step back again. “Come on. I’m sure Dex is waiting in his car impatiently.”

“I’ll bet he got something while we talked.” Rich laughs and grabs his own car keys.

“Let’s see.” T opens the door and they walk down the corridor towards the door. Just when he moves to open it, Dex comes in with some Chinese food for the three of them. “Oh come on!” he giggles and Richard starts laughing.

“I told you so.” he grins and Dex just watches them with raised eyebrows.

Later that day, they sit on the sofa together reading the lyrics to Honky Cat again. They marked their lines and Taron is humming the tune. Richard feels more relaxed now and it almost feels natural. As if this was their everyday lives.

“Mate, can you hand me the marker again?” T asks while looking at his piece of paper.

Almost. “Here.” Rich grabs it and holds it to him without looking up.

“So, how are you feeling about it?” Taron asks and looks at him shortly. “The singing.”

“Not sure. Singing isn’t one of my strengths to be honest.” he admits and meets Taron’s blueish green eyes.

“I don’t believe you.” Taron giggles and watches him observantly. “I don’t know why, but I don’t believe you.” he says.

Richard watches him surprised and raises his eyebrows. T loved to sing with him all the time. “Well you’ll hear it soon enough. Then you’ll see why.”

“Exactly. We’re the last ones here, so let’s do it.” he gets up and walks over to the microphones. “Come on!” Taron was like a giddy schoolgirl.

Richard gets up, groaning softly, and walks after him. “Taron, come on. I don’t wanna do this now.”

“Don’t be such a pussy. Come here and let’s have some fun.” T says and looks up from his notes. “Sorry.” he laughs when he sees Richard’s jaw drop.

“Bloody wanker.” he says through gritted teeth.

“I heard that.” Taron says, taking out Richard’s air pods from his jacket.

“You were supposed to. And those are mine.” he chuckles and steps next to him, looking down at the microphone.

Taron just grins and connects them to his phone. It only takes a second, and it makes him raise his eyebrows. “Never worked that quick before.”

Rich bites his lower lip and his eyes widen a bit. “Mine always do.” he says and knows how dumb it sounds. But it makes the Welsh next to him laugh, so he brushes it off.

Taron starts the memo of the melody on his phone and puts one of the air pods into his ear, giving the other one to Richard. He starts dancing around, hearing the melody. And then he starts singing. Rich falls in love with his voice all over again. 

“When I look back, boy I must have been green. Bopping in the country.” he raises his eyebrows at Rich, who gives in.

“Fishing in the stream.”

“Exactly!” T cheers. “Looking for an answer.”

“Tryna find a sign.”

“Until I saw your city lights, honey I was blind.” T winks at him, smirking, and dances around happily.

Rich grins shortly before starting the chorus. “They said, get back, honky cat. Better get back to the woods. Well I quit those days and my redneck ways and I-.”  
Both of them continue the duet and Taron’s eyes shine happily. Richard becomes more comfortable with his voice and starts fooling around with Taron. Before they can actually realize it, it’s over and both look at each other grinning.

“See? You fucking liar.” Taron says smirking and punches him on the arm playfully. “Sounds like fucking Michael Bublé and shits his pants because of a little song. I can’t believe it.”

“Stop it.” Richard laughs and shakes his head, taking his air pod out of his ear.

“I’m serious. Your voice sounds amazingly smooth.” Taron compliments him and hands him back his air pod. “You’re gonna do great. Just calm down and breathe. We can even record it together if you’d like.”

“I’d like that.” Rich says with a soft smile and folds his notes together. “Let’s wrap it for today.”

“Yeah.” Taron agrees and they get their stuff. Outside, Taron gets his phone out and searches for a number.

“How are you gonna get home?” Richard asks confused, only seeing his own car in front of the building.

“Cab.” Taron says. “Don’t like driving on my own to be honest.”

“Oh, yeah.” Rich says and thinks to himself. He was able to sit behind the steering wheel and drive again the next day with a rental car. Thinking back now, it seems strange to him, being the one who drove. “I can take you home if you want?”

“Oh, don’t worry. You don’t have to drive me around. I can take a cab.” T assures him.

“I have to drive in that direction anyways.” Rich says and wants to slap himself immediately. Idiot!

“And you know that because-?” Taron asks giggling. His mate couldn’t have known where he lived. He’s never been there.

“Just a feeling.” Richard gives back and walks over to his car. “Come on, now. It’s late.”

Sitting in a car with Taron again is strange. It makes him nervous, so he drives slow and carefully. He wouldn’t let anything happen to him again in a car. Taron shifts in the seat a bit and starts tapping a nervous rhythm with his fingers on his thigh. “Are you alright?” Richard asks when he stops at a red light and looks over at him.

“Nervous.” T says and he doesn’t sound as happy as before. “I hate driving.”

“I’ll be careful.” he promises and continues driving again.

“It’s not your fault. I can’t remember the crash, but it’s just not a good feeling sitting in a car.” Taron mumbles and looks out of the window, trying to distract himself.

“It’s okay. We should be at your place soon.” Taron hums a yes and leans back in the seat, taking a deep breath, and closes his eyes. Richard knows the physical signs in Taron’s body and sees how scared he actually is. He knows they’re only a few minutes away from his apartment and decides to stop his suffering. He turns on the hazard lights and parks in a public parking spot. Taron looks at him confused. “We’ll walk the rest.” he says and gets out of the car.

Taron blinks confused for a moment before getting out as well. He feels bad for this. “It’s okay. I can-.”

“I said I’ll bring you home, so that’s what I’m doing.” Richard locks the car and starts walking. Taron chuckles and follows him quickly. “You’re extremely scared of it, am I right?”

“Mm.” T admits and looks down at the ground, blushing in embarrassment while walking. He didn’t admit to others how damn scared he really was. He felt stupid and weak about the whole thing.

“That’s alright. You had an accident that changed your whole life. Don’t be embarrassed because of the fear it brings. It was a traumatic event.” Richard says and looks at him while they walk to Taron’s apartment.

“Thanks, I’m trying.” Taron says lowly and smiles at him shortly. “It’s just strange because I don’t know exactly how it happened and I don’t wanna look up my name in the internet. It’s only gonna show me a life I am not living anymore, and I don’t wanna get depressed about that as well.” he sighs and gets out the keys to his door. “Thanks for the ride and walk.” he says with a smile and they hug each other to say goodbye.

Richard takes his phone out as he walks back to his car and texts Keeley.

Time to talk? - Richard

For you, always mate :) - Keeley

He had a lot to tell and his friend was the best person to do so with. His life had gotten stranger over the last few months and he had to learn that it wouldn’t be the same ever again, no matter how much that thought may hurt.


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard and Taron get along well, Elton has a talk with Richard about everything that happened and the first interviews for the movies are getting closer. Everything seems to be perfect, but would the interviewers be as careful with Taron as his friends? And would they keep their mouth shut about Richard’s role in his life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the first part of Taron finding out about Richard and him, decided to put it up earlier for you Jays_Artwork💞

When Richard comes on set a few days later, he sees Taron talking to Dex, David Furnish and Elton John next to him. Rich feels himself getting nervous as he walks closer. He wasn’t actually ready to talk to those two. 

Taron nods at Elton’s words and looks up shortly. He notices the Scot and a small smile covers his face. “Morning, Rich.” he says and waves him over to his direction. He pulls him into a tight hug and smirks at him. “How are you, mate?”

“I’m fine, thanks.” he turns to Elton and David and offers them his hand. “I’m Richard.” he says and David grabs his hand, greeting him.

“So, you’re the boyfriend of Taron?” Elton asks and Richard goes pale for a moment, a light blush on Dexter following suit.

“Yea. My John Reid.” Taron giggles and wraps his arm around him. Without a care in the world. Because he doesn’t even know. 

“Mm.” Rich hums with a weak smile and Elton nods slowly. Elton was aware of their relationship before this movie was even a thing. And he was very aware of the accident and Taron’s state. Just seeing it in reality is still surprising.

“Got it.” he says and nods towards Richard again. Seems like they haven’t discussed this part of their past yet. “So, how do you two get along?”

“Pretty good I would say.” Taron says happily and Rich agrees. “Dex, you have to hear him sing! I talked him into it a few days ago.” He wiggles his eyebrows and lets out a chuckle. Rich groans in slight embarrassment as a blush rests on his cheeks.

“How was he? Haven’t heard a single note from him so far.” Dexter laughs and Rich just laughs a bit.

“He’s amazing!” T says, smiling up at him.

“Stop it now.” Richard says blushing a bit. Not in front of Elton John himself! Ugh why can’t the ground just swallow me up? 

A bit later, Taron and Dex disappeared to discuss some things with David and it’s only Elton and Richard now. Elton watches him observantly and offers him a seat. “He doesn’t know?” 

Richard shakes his head. “The last time I told him I got kicked out of the house, so no.” he admits, laughing softly. “I think it’s easier for him, not knowing what exactly we were back then. I don’t wanna force myself onto him and it’s difficult enough for me to know it.” Extremely difficult.

“I’m really sorry about what happened to you two. But there will a day where he finds out. And it’ll be better if it came from you than someone else.” Elton warns him and watches him closely. “Taron is really unstable at the moment, never fully knowing what’s true and what’s a lie. If it hurts him when he finds out, give him time and space to cope with it. I’ll do my best to calm him down again.” Elton assures with a genuine grin. 

“Thank you.” Richard says and smiles at Elton.

“How long have you two been actually together? Dex couldn’t remember it.”

“Seven months. We discussed wanting to make it official that night.” The Scottish leans back in his chair and looks down at the floor for a moment. “Sometimes I wish it was me. I hate seeing him that insecure and….seeing him in that car was just too much.” he admits.

“Don’t you think there’s a reason why it’s him and not you?” Elton asks and Richard looks at him with questioning eyes. “Taron would be more hysterical and in his head than you are now. I think he would go crazy with the thought that he drove and you not being able to remember anything.”

“I don’t know. I had help from a friend to get through the first few weeks and she’s still doing it. It got a lot harder the moment we were in the same room again.” he looks down at his knees before looking up again. “I just want him to be okay again and if he doesn’t need me for that, then I’ll have to live with it.” Rich bites his lip.

“You really think he doesn’t need you? You’re his only real connection to his past. His mother can only tell him about his childhood and what he told her about his personal life. You’ve known him for five years before you were his boyfriend. You probably knew him better than anyone else. He will need you and if he’s mad at you, I can assure you he’ll be back soon.” Elton states and Richard nods slowly. “Don’t worry too much about it and enjoy the time you have with him. I know it’s difficult but you two will be okay.”

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

The two share a smile and Elton pats Rich’s shoulder gently. The door opens and both pairs of eyes turn their attention to it.

“Elton, Rich! We need you inside!” Taron shouts as he comes outside and both get up. “So what do you think?” T asks Elton as the older man wraps his arm around him. Elton already knows what he’s insinuating, how he feels about Richard.

“I think you two will get along well. You’ll have the perfect chemistry for the good and bad times John and I had.” he says and looks at Richard with a short, compassionate smile. 

Taron gets into Richard’s car and buckles up. They drive to Taron’s apartment and T is a bit calmer this evening. Rich and him drove around from time to time and Richard picked him up most of the time when they needed to be on set. Taron feels safer in his car and company now, a relief for both of them. “Are you ready for the interviews tomorrow?”

“Yeah. It’ll be the typical questions tomorrow. We haven’t shot that much so far, so it’ll be dumb questions.” Richard laughs. 

“What kind of dumb questions?” T asks curiously and Rich remembers again that Taron was practically new in the business now. This was going to be a long day.

“Are there any scandals on set? Do you get along with your costars? Is there someone you don’t like? And so on.” Rich explains. “Whatever you do, don’t get nervous and don’t let anybody see when you’re feeling uncomfortable with a question. Stay polite and if you don’t wanna answer something, just tell them. As soon as you show that you’re nervous, they’ll dig deeper and bombard you with questions.” 

“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind. I’m nervous about it to be honest. I’m scared that they’ll ask stuff about my past I maybe don’t wanna know or that isn’t true.” Taron admits. 

“You’ll have one interview alone, just like me. Then the rest is together. I’ll help you through it.” he offers. 

“Thank you.” he says with a soft smile and unbuckles as they arrive at his apartment. “You’re the best, Richie.” he says as he gets out and smiles at him shortly before closing the door. 

Richard starts the car with a smile on his lips and drives away. Some things never change. 

The next day, Richard is already done with his interview and sits in the backstage room assigned to the crew. Taron is a nervous mess next to him and can’t sit still up until he finally gets called in. “Wish me luck.” he jokes and Richard laughs, giving him a thumbs up. Please let them go easy on him and the day go smoothly. 

T steps in and sees the man opposite him. “Hi, I’m Taron.” he says and offers him his hand. The man takes it greeting him and offering him a chair. Taron sits down and grins a bit. “First interview so far.” he says chuckling. 

“Since the accident?” he asks and Taron nods. “So how’s work on set? Did you have to learn a lot all over again?” 

“I actually had to learn a lot. The biggest struggle I had was remembering lines, because I often forget information I get quickly afterwards. But with listening to songs and remembering the lyrics, I learned to control it actually.” he answers. 

“Who’s your favorite costar so far?” he asks and looks at him curiously.

“Oh, we have a really lovely cast. I get along so well with Jamie, Bryce and Charlie. But I got quite a connection with Richard Madden.” he states with a smirk on his lips. Rich became the most important and understanding person around him. Almost as if he knew him from before.

“Well that shouldn’t be a surprise, right?” The interviewer asks genuinely.

“I beg your pardon?” Taron asks confused. What was he trying to say?

“Before the accident, you two have been in the news whenever you were seen together. There were tons of speculations about a relationship.” he explains and sees Taron’s blush and confused, but scared look. Seems like he doesn’t know, that would be a good story. “So how long have you two been a couple?” The interviewer was beginning to dig. 

“I don’t think-“

“Have you two ever been a couple?” 

“I-I don’t know.” Taron says and frowns a little. What the fuck was he on about? A couple? With Richard? How ridiculous!

“Did you even recognize him after the accident? Or did you forget your own boyfriend?” he asks again, seeing that he doesn’t seem to know a single thing about it. 

“My what?” Taron asks and raises his eyebrows. 

“He was driving when you had the accident. How does he feel now that you forgot about him and what exactly happened?” he asks quickly. 

Oh fuck! No no, that’s not good at all.

Taron swallows hard. “He was driving?” he asks shocked and feels tears burning in his eyes. Suddenly, Richard’s talk about the one he lost over night makes sense. His phone that connected immediately with his air pods and that he knew where he had to drive to bring him home. Did they know each other before? 

“Yea. In all the news stories, it said he was driving.” 

Taron’s eyes widened and he gasped softly. His ears had to be deceiving him. “I-I’m sorry, but this interview is over.” Taron says and gets up quickly. He closes the door behind him and walks back into their room backstage. Panic rises in his body and he can’t breathe properly anymore. He opens the door and steps in.

Richard looks up and sees the tears in his eyes. Oh fuck. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” 

Taron shakes his head and the dizziness forces him to sit down, shaking. “I’m not gonna give another interview today.” he presses out. 

Richard walks over to him and crouches down in front of him. “What did he say?” 

“Stuff about the accident.” Taron says and looks Richard deep into the eyes. “You were with me, am I right?” he asks, barely audible, and his voice threatens to crack. 

Rich looks down at the floor before answering. “I was driving, T.”

Holy. Shit. His worst fears were coming true. “You-.” he shakes his head and the expression in his eyes become stern and angry. “You fucking liar.” he barely gets out and tears fall down his cheeks almost instantly.

“T, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to be the only thing you know about me.” Rich tries and bites his lower lip. He should’ve talked to him before the interviews. He should’ve told him about the accident and that they were a couple. Now it’s blowing up in his face. Fuck. 

“You think I would’ve liked you less then?” Taron gets up quickly, getting away from him. “Rich, that’s not fair.” he says and takes a shuddery breath. The Scottish remains silent as the door opens and Dex steps in. 

“Taron, what’s wrong?” he asks worried and sees the guilt in Richard’s eyes.

“Did you know?” he asks firmly and looks at him with hope. Please say you didn’t. “Did you know that Richard was driving?” Please. 

“Everyone knows that.” Dexter says slowly and sees the hurt in Taron’s eyes. “It was in the papers, Taron. The accident was a big story.”

“I fucking trusted both of you and you lied to me.” his voice cracks now and he starts crying. “You used my amnesia against me. How pathetic is that?!”

“Never against you. I tried to protect you, Taron.” Rich says slowly.

“No you didn’t! You tried to protect yourself, you egoistic piece of shit! Damn it, Rich!” Taron grabs his phone from the table and takes his jacket off his seat.

“Taron, calm down, let us -.”

“Fuck off, Dex! I won’t do shit for either of you!” he spits out and wipes away the tears on his cheeks. He steps out of their room and sees Bryce coming back from an interview. “Bryce, could you drive me home?”

“Sure. Are you alright, hunny?” she asks as she walks towards the room. T mumbles a no. “I’m gonna get my keys, give me a second.” When she walks in, she sees Dexter talking to Rich, who looks like he’s about fall out on the floor in panic. Her eyes widen. “Oh shit.” she says and grabs her keys.

“Mm.” Richard just hums and grabs his own keys. “I’m sorry Dex, but I don’t think I’ll give any useful interviews today anymore.”

“It’s okay. We’ll quit for today.” Dexter states and waves them out.

Taron looks at the floor stubbornly as Richard and Dex pass him. But he would be lying if he said it wasn’t hard to do so. “You knew he was driving as well?” He asks Bryce as he heard the clicking of her heels come to a stop near him. 

Bryce nods. “Yes, I knew. But I thought it was important that Dexter or Richard tell you.”

“It’s okay. I never talked to you about Richard anyways. You didn’t have a proper reason to tell me.” Taron says with a weak smile. 

Bryce wraps her arms around him and hugs him tightly. “Take your time, okay? You don’t owe anything to anyone and if you need some time off then take it.” Taron nods in her embrace and she rubs his back shortly. “I know it wasn’t right what Richard did, but he has good reasons for it, okay? Talk to him about it when you’re ready.” she suggests and they let go off each other. 

Taron gets out of the car and thanks Bryce for driving him. “Can you tell Dex I won’t be on set for the next two weeks?” he asks timidly. 

“Of course. I’ll explain it to him.” she assures him.

“Thank you.”

“Not a problem at all. If you need anything just call me, alright hun?” she asks and he nods thankfully.

Inside his apartment, he kicks off his shoes and changes into comfy clothes. He sits down on his bed and calls his mother.

She takes the call very quickly, as always. “Hey darling. How are you doing?” she asks happily.

“Not really well, mum.” he admits and his eyes fill with tears again.

“Oh what’s wrong, sweetie?” she asks and sits down. Her son has developed anxiety and slipped into a depressed state more often since the accident.

“Did you know that Rich was the one driving?” he asks timidly. His mother wouldn’t lie to him, right?

“I did, did he tell you?” 

“No. Had the pleasure of finding out in an interview today.” he explains and his voice starts shaking. “Why didn’t you tell me, mum?” 

She remains silent for a moment before talking again. “I asked Richard not to tell you about it. You would have never been able to trust him if you knew Taron.”

“Why does everyone think that?” Taron runs his fingers through his hair. “I trusted him and now that I know he lied to me it’s difficult to do so. Not because we got into a car crash and he was driving.”

“I’m sorry, we thought it would be better.” she admits and rubs her face. Though she didn’t believe her own words, the goal was to keep him calm at the moment.

“It’s not fair, mum, and you know that. I think I’m gonna go to bed. Thanks for being honest.” he hangs up before she can say anything and pulls up the blanket over his shaking body. “Fucking liars.” he presses out and curls up, crying. His world was spinning and his head was splitting with all this new information. What the fuck was going on?


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taron keeps his distance from his friends and Richard,feeling betrayed. Richard gives him time but it quickly shows how bad they cope with it. When they mess up a scene Richard suggests to talk about it and Taron wants Dexter with them to calm them both down. During the talk a lot of things come up that change Taron’s life all over again.

Taron stays at home during those two weeks and barely eats anything. He knows he should, but he can’t convince himself to do so. His head hurts and he’s emotionally unstable, feeling terrible.

He looked up his and Richard’s name for the first time and found articles about them getting into the car crash. As he scrolls further down, he finds some where they suggested a relationship between them. Taron clicks on “images” and finds a ton of them. Most are of them being outside together, having dinner or giving interviews. Taron looks at the pictures closely and sees the looks they shared. “God you’re getting brainwashed by these dumbass articles.” he growls and finds a interview of them on YouTube. He considers watching it and stares at his screen for ten minutes until it turns off automatically. Taron gives himself a push, logs back in and clicks on it. “Holy shit.” he breathes out when he sees it’s from five years ago. He looks at himself, only twenty-four back then and Richard next to him, twenty-seven years old. They fool around through the interview just like they did a couple weeks ago. He watches other ones and sees the way their behavior with each other changes throughout the years. They get more comfortable around another, finish each other’s sentences and seem to know exactly what the other one is going to say. But were they really a couple? Not possible. Probably just stupid shit talk.

He throws his phone aside and stares up at the ceiling. Tomorrow would be his first day back at work. The first day he sees Dexter and Richard. Bryce told him she would be on set tomorrow as well to keep him company and Taron was glad to have her around.

Taron isn’t fully sure if it’s good to return to work tomorrow, but he knows he needs a daily routine again. He sat around the house more than he could possibly remember of his old life. T growls a bit and turns onto his side, staring out of the window. It’s like the bright sun and deep blue sky wanna mock him, not fitting his mood at all.

After a sleepless night, he gets up with a horrible headache and takes a quick shower. He dresses up slowly as every movement hurts his head and grabs his apartment keys. Welp, welcome back to the real world.

On set he is greeted by Bryce, who watches him worried. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just haven’t slept properly the last four days.” he says and rubs his face tiredly. If this bloody headache would stop, he would feel better.

She hands him a pair of glasses. “Put those on.”

“Thanks.” he mumbles and follows her to the main building. Going in with Bryce by his side gives him a bit of security. Inside, he takes the glasses off again. The light isn’t as bright. When he comes inside the meeting room, he sees Dexter chatting with Jamie and Elton is also here today.

Just when they’re about to start, Richard steps inside, taking off his sunglasses. T glances at him and sees the dark circles underneath his eyes, the same he had seen beneath his own this morning. Ten minutes into the meeting, Taron feels himself getting dizzy and looks down at the floor irritated. His head hurts and he starts to feel sick while his world starts spinning.

“Taron, are you okay?” Bryce asks worried as her friend stumbles a bit and tries to hold himself up.

Richard looks over at them and tenses when he sees how pale Taron gets. “Sit him down.” he says to Bryce. Jamie helps her sit Taron down on the floor. Richard walks over to him and sits down in front of him. “Are you dizzy?” he asks and looks at him observantly.

“Mm.” T just hums and tries to blend out the black spots before his eyes.

“You should drink some water.” Rich says and takes a bottle from Dex. He opens it and holds it towards Taron. T takes it with shaking hands and takes a tiny gulp. Richard watches him closely. It’s scary to see him like that again. “When did you eat properly the last time?” he asks, knowing T stopped doing it whenever he was sad or extremely stressed. Taron just shrugs his shoulders and Rich nods slowly. The rest starts talking, giving them some space and Taron rubs his face tiredly. “Can we talk later?” Richard asks low enough for only T to hear and Taron looks at him shortly before shaking his head with tears in his eyes. “Okay. Then go home, eat something and get some sleep. You definitely pushed it too far.” he says.

“I can only tell you the same.” Taron says and raises his eyebrows at him.

Rich laughs weakly and pushes himself up. Taron gets up as well shaking a bit and sits down on the sofa. Bryce sits next to him and rubs his shoulder shortly. Dexter continues and Richard leans against the wall, feeling his own body growing tired. T was right. He needs sleep and a proper meal. But the last two weeks have made it impossible. He felt bad about lying to Taron, and he still doesn’t know the whole truth.

Three days later, both of them come to set feeling better physically. T shoots the Tiny Dancer scene and has some fun on set with Jamie before starting to sing. Soon enough, it’s already late and he’s freezing from standing in the dark, cold nighttime atmosphere. He sits on the top step of a little staircase and the scene starts. Taron hears Richard approaching him and takes a deep breath. Rich starts saying his lines and sits down next to him. As soon as Taron looks into those deep blue eyes, he feels the hurt welling back up inside him. He looks at him remaining silent and feels a tear running down his cheek. “I can’t do this.” he whispers and Rich bites his lower lip. “I can’t pretend to fall in love with you after what happened.”

“I know.” Richard says low-voiced and looks at him sad. “I’m sorry, T. Can we talk about it, please?”

Taron takes a shuddery breath and looks down at his knees. “When?”

“After the shoot maybe? I’ll drive you home… if you want to.” he suggests.

T nods slowly. “Okay. But I think we should take Dex with us.”

“Yea.” Richard says and gets up. “Dex?” he shouts and Dexter comes over to them. “We can’t do this right now. Not like this.” their director nods and looks at them. “We wanna talk about it.”

“Everything?” Dex asks and watches Richard curiously.

“Everything.” he says firmly and nods.

“Can you come with us? Probably won’t end well otherwise.” T admits and gets up.

“If that’s okay with you.” Dexter says and Taron nods. Seems like his friend wasn’t that mad at him.

Richard changed into jeans and a sweater, which is a lot more comfortable at 11:30pm than the suit he was wearing before. Taron changed into a pair of blue jeans and his favorite sweater. Seeing it makes Rich smiles a bit. It’s one of his that Taron kept when they got together. They sit down at the round table and Taron doesn’t know where to look.

“Do either of you wants to start?” Dexter asks them and both remain silent, hoping the other one would start. “Taron?”

T shifts in his seat a bit before looking at them. “You two made me feel like shit, honestly. You lied to my face and you were the ones I trusted with my stupid life that I know nothing about.” he feels the tears coming back but he doesn’t care this time. They needed see what they did to him. How he felt.

“I can understand that you’re upset about it but we had our reasons. The last time Richard tried to tell you, you told him kindly to leave and never talked to him again because you couldn’t remember him.” Dex states.

“Oh and that’s my fault now? I wasn’t the one who was driving. I was the victim in this crash.” Taron growls and shoots his friend a glare.

“Okay, next time I’ll run over a woman and probably kill her. Is that what you want?” Rich spits out and looks at him angrily. What happened that evening was neither his nor Taron’s fault. “You’d be traumatized now, just like I am. Sometimes it’s better not to remember something.” he says and sees Taron’s face going blank.

“Yeah, because you’re having such a hard time.” T laughs pejoratively and rolls his eyes.

“You don’t know shit about me. So don’t judge me on the last two months you’ve known me.” Richard says harshly and looks at him serious.

“And that’s it.” T leans forward and looks at him, feeling himself getting angry. “I don’t know shit about all of you. I don’t know shit about where I grew up, my family, my friends. The worst out of all of them is I don’t know shit about myself.” his voice cracks as he leans back in his chair again and shakes his head. “And it’s fucking gross to play with that, both of you. You don’t lie to someone who feels lost and depends on stories from others.”

“I tried to protect you, Taron. I know this wasn’t the best way.” Rich tries and gets cut off by Taron letting out a loud breath.

“If I really mean so much to you that you feel the need to protect me…then don’t fucking play with my issues.” he says through gritted teeth. “I need to be able to trust you, because trust is all that I have left.”

“I know.” The Scottish mumbles.

“No you don’t! Everyone thinks they know how it is for me, but they don’t. I can’t sleep because I’m constantly overthinking. I forget to eat. I panic late at night when my brain realizes once more there’s nothing left to remember!” he stops for a moment and wipes away the tear on his cheek. “I pull myself out of this shit day after day. You weren’t there to help!”

“I was, Taron. As you know now, I drove the bloody car. I was the one calming you down when you hit your head and I pulled you out of the car unconscious and covered in blood.” Richard says and it’s the first time he actually puts it into words in front of Taron. His throat gets tight at the thought of Taron at that evening.

“Well you were gone after the car crash, left me on my own. Where was the guy the media called my boyfriend, huh? Probably realized I’m no longer useful and just dropped me off at home.” Taron spits out and tucks his legs up on his seat.

“Who told you that shit?” he asks frowning.

“Don’t answer with a question.” he just says and looks at him, challenging him.

“I picked you up from the hospital and brought you home. On the first day, you handed me a picture of us. The second day, you said you need space. You practically erased me from your life. I would’ve never left you willingly.”

Taron remains silent for a moment and all the anger slowly fades. “And how should I know that you’re not lying to me again, right now?” he asks tiredly.

“Taron, Richard was your boyfriend.” Dexter steps in and T looks at him with raised eyebrows.

“How could you wanna prove that? With some shitty articles blogs would post when I went out with whoever for dinner tonight?” his voice shakes heavy now and he slips into hurt and sadness instead of anger now.

“I can’t do more than tell you again, I was there.” Rich says tiredly, getting frustrated.

“Prove it.” T says and shrugs his shoulders.

Richard groans and rubs his face. How the fuck was I supposed to prove the relationship was real? Suddenly, he remembers the letter he wrote for Taron on the day he left. “Hey, my name is Taron Egerton. I was involved in a bad car accident and am suffering from a retrograde amnesia, which means I forgot a lot.”

Dex watches him confused. “What the heck are you doing?”

“Shut up for a second.” T says and looks at Richard shocked.

“If I feel bad right now, it would be lovely if you could get me to a hospital. If I’m on my own and I don’t know what’s going on, I should call my mother.” Richard continues with a shaking voice.

“Here is her number. Thank you.” Taron finishes it and Richards nods. “Why the fuck do you know this?”

“Because I wrote that when I brought you home and you didn’t want me around anymore.”

Taron gets up quickly and gets a pen and a piece of paper. “Write it down.” he says and presses his lips together. Rich does as he says and writes down the first sentence. Taron recognizes his hand writing immediately and swallows hard. Did he really -?

Richard takes out his phone and removes the phone case. He takes out a picture and hands it to Taron. “That’s what you gave me.” Taron looks at the picture. That’s actually very cute. He’s smiling softly into the camera while Richard presses a kiss into his hair with his eyes closed. His eyes fill with tears and he looks back at Rich shocked. “That’s my sweater.” he says and points at T.

“It’s my favorite.” Taron admits and looks down at the dark blue soft sweater that gave him comfort so often before.

“I know.” Rich smiles softly. He searches for Taron’s number and presses call. The words “My love” appear on the screen and Taron looks down at his phone a bit startled. “The reason why my Air Pods connected so fast to your phone was because we always listened to your music with my headphones.” Richard looks up to Taron, standing there completely in shock and disbelief. “Can I show you something on your phone?”

Taron nods timidly and hands it to him. He watches Richard opening his photo gallery and scrolling down to the folder with the password. “I didn’t know the password, so I couldn’t open it.” Richard types it in and looks up to him shortly, before writing it down at the piece of paper. Taron’s eyes fill with tears and they threaten to fall down his cheeks as he sees the words “Theloveofmylife.”. He turns pale when he looks back at his phone and sees all the pictures of Rich and him kissing, cuddling, holding hands or at premieres together.

Taron falls onto his chair heavily and takes his phone back with shaking hands. He looks at the letter, Richard’s handwriting and the password. “Fuck.” is all he gets out and buries his face in his hands for a moment. When he looks up, tears are rolling down his face and he lets out a shuddery breath, tangling his hands in his hair while leaning forward. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks and his voice cracks in the middle of the sentence.

“When you knew about it and pushed me away, I decided to not tell you this time. I wanted to let you figure things out on your own and put the pieces together with time. It felt like forcing the fact of us as a couple onto you.” Richard explains lowly. “You can’t tell someone that they love you.”

“I-I don’t know what to say right now.” T says and his voice threatens to crack again.

“Do you understand now why we didn’t tell you about Rich and you in the first place?” Dex asks carefully and T nods slowly.

“How long have we been together?” he asks and looks at Rich, who watches him sad.

“Seven months. You wanted to make it official because you were sick of hiding it. You were talking about a future together and - two minutes later we crashed into a wall.”

“So we were happy?” Rich nods. “Did we fight?”

“Not often, harmless.” he says. “It was always about unimportant things and you came back after five minutes to cuddle.” he chuckles softly.

“Was I-Was I a good boyfriend?” he asks timidly.

“The best.” he says with a sad smile.

Taron sits up straight and nods slowly. “Tell me about the car crash. Please.”

Richard knows he’s the only one who can tell him the whole story and so he gives in. “Everything was fine until a drunk woman suddenly crossed the street. I couldn’t stop the car fast enough, so I pulled sideways. We crashed into a wall and you hit your head really bad. Had a nasty wound on your forehead. I was a bit caught up in the shock but then you asked for me and threw up. You couldn’t sit up straight because of the pain and I tried to calm you down… And then you passed out.”

“Did I say anything before I passed out?” Taron asks curiously.

“I love you forever, okay?” Richard hesitantly says and swallows hard after seeing Taron’s face going blank. “Listen, I won’t force anything onto you and if you don’t feel good around me anymore I’ll back out of the role. Blame it on stress or whatever.” Rich rubs his face tiredly and bites his lower lip nervously. “If you want me to go, I’ll do it.”

The Welsh looks up to him caught up in thoughts. “Why would you do that?”

“Because you were the most important person in my life and I wouldn’t do anything to make you feel bad on purpose.” Richard looks down at the table for a moment. “Which is why I felt like shit as well those past two weeks.”

Taron watches him startled and looks deep into Richard’s eyes. He wasn’t lying. T looks back at the picture and the letter before looking at Richard. “I’m so sorry for this mess, Rich.” he says and his voice cracks. “And the car crash wasn’t your fault. I was talking dumb shit.”

“It’s not your fault, T.” Richard assures him weakly.

Taron grabs his hand hesitantly and looks at him with tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Rich.” Richard smiles at him sadly and shakes his head. It wasn’t Taron’s fault that he forgot everything. “Can I hug you?” T asks timidly as he gets up and Rich just opens his arms, doing the same. Taron wraps his arms around his waist and buries his face in his shoulder.

Richard tightens his hesitant grip around Taron and softly rubs his back as he starts crying. “Hey, it’s okay.” he whispers and Taron just shakes his head.

His whole world just got turned upside down. Again. He would have never thought that Richard and him had been a thing. Maybe that was the reason that he felt so good around him so quickly and got hurt so badly when he found out about the lie. “I’m so sorry. I completely ignored the fact that I’m not the only one who’s struggling with this.”

“You didn’t know. It’s okay, bub.” Rich says and fondles over his hair. He knows exactly where to touch him to calm and comfort him.

“Please give me a chance to make it right again. I was talking shit about you.” T begs and clings onto him.

Richard pulls back and cups Taron’s face. “Calm down. You did nothing wrong.” he looks into his sad puppy eyes and feels the urge to kiss him. But he holds himself back and wraps him into a hug again. “Don’t blame yourself now, please.”

“I’m so sick of this shit.” T sniffs into his shoulder.

“I know.” Rich mumbles. “Me too, T. Me too.”

“Please don’t lie to me again. I really can’t take this.” he chokes out and sobs into his shoulder helplessly.

“I won’t.” Rich promises and plants a soft kiss into his hair.


	5. Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard and Taron get along better again after their talk and spend more time with each other. While Richard enjoys the time and introduces Taron to things he liked, Taron starts feeling safe around Richard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T leans back in the seat and looks down at his hands. “Did you recognize how calm I am driving with you?” he asks and looks at Rich.
> 
> “Yeah. You’re sitting still and you stopped tapping your fingers nervously.” he says and looks at him shortly. “Is that a permanent thing or -?”
> 
> “Definitely not. Cabs and driving with Bryce still make me feel uncomfortable.” Taron laughs nervously and glances at Richard, who’s driving calmly. The only reason they got into this car crash must have been the woman because Richard was the calmest driver he knows. “Must be your driving style. I feel safe when you’re driving.”
> 
> Richard lets out a chocked sound and his body tenses. He sets the blinking light and stops at the side of the road. Sinking his head onto the steering wheel, he takes a deep breath.

Rich and T stay silent most of the drive back to Taron’s apartment. Richard feels kind of relieved now that Taron knows they used to be a couple and got into the crash together. Taron is glad he finally told him, but his thoughts are racing about how they continue from this point. He liked Rich a lot and he was a real beauty. But he had to get to know him on a whole different level from now on before he could ever consider being with him. Taron doesn’t know if that will ever be the case again because he’s changed. Richard knows it as well. But it gives them a bit of comfort now that they both are on the same page.

“Dexter said we have to finish the interviews we did a couple of weeks ago.” Taron says to break the silence and looks over at him. “I hope the dick from the last time hasn’t published anything so far.”

Rich chuckles softly and nods. “That’s easy to find out.” he stops at a red light and takes out his phone, looking up Taron’s name. He scrolls through some Rocketman cast articles, some about the crash and Taron being back to work. “Nothing here. Probably got cut off by his boss.” he says and smirks a bit.

“Why is it that I don’t believe that?” Taron asks and watches him suspiciously. “You really think his boss stopped him after sending him there with such questions?”

“You never know who kicked his ass.” Richard says and focuses on the street again.

“Richard.” Taron says warningly and Rich looks at him shortly with a grin. It was him. Oh shit. “How did you convince him not do it?”

“I told him more or less nicely to fuck off and not make a story out of this or I would publish how he preys on someone who lost his memory. Which could cost him his job if I put enough pressure on the media about it.” Richard says and shrugs his shoulders. “Imagine people like Elton posting it with his name.” both of them laugh at that thought.

“But I was so mad at you! Why did you still-?” he stops and watches him curiously.

“You had the right to be mad at Dex and me. I told you I wanna protect you and honestly, this asshole needed a kick in the butt.” he states and chuckles a bit.

Taron’s face softens as he looks at him and he smiles a bit. “Thank you.”

“Sure thing.” he says. “How exactly do you wanna handle the interviews that are coming up now?”

“I won’t give any interviews on my own for a long time, I guess.” he says and plays with his hands nervously. “I think they would take advantage of that again.”

“Yeah, probably. Maybe you can team up with Bryce.” Rich suggests, recognizing how well they got along.

“Mm.” T hums and looks out of the window. “Actually, I think it would be better if we did it. Because they’ll still try to find out stuff about us.”

“If that’s what you want, sure.” Richard parks the car and looks over at him. “I’m really sorry that I lied to you. I know it’s not fair. I never wanted to play with your feelings. Just thought it may be easier for you to cope with my presence.”

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Taron giggles and shakes his head. “I don’t know how I used to be, but now I prefer living with the harsh truth over some happy illusions.”

“Got it.” Rich says.

“I still let you drive me home today, right? Because now I know how and with whom it happened.” Taron shrugs his shoulders and yawns a bit. “I need some sleep.” he unbuckles and opens the door. When he closes the door, he signals Rich to let down the window and leans down. “Just be ready for me going on your nerves. You’re my Google about the past.”

“You’re such a dumbass sometimes.” Rich laughs.

“I know. Night, Richie. Get home safe.” he says with a soft smile and takes his keys out of his pocket.

“Night.”

Taron takes a cold shower and puts on sweatpants, but keeps the dark blue sweater on. He’d love to talk to his mum, but it’s almost 1am now. Looking back on today, he lies down and stares at the ceiling. “My life is such a fucking mess.” he mumbles to himself and slips under the blanket. He looks at his bed that’s way too big for himself and suddenly it makes sense. “How the fuck did I end up with Richard fucking Madden?!” he asks himself and buries his face in his hands.

Richard gets home and hops in the shower quickly. Today was way too long, but it was a big step for him and Taron. He’s glad that Taron agreed on talking about it and they had Dex to mediate the conversation in a healthy way. Rich chuckles when he realizes that Dexter left them some space when Taron started crying in his arms.

Three days later, Richard picks him up again and they drive together to the place where they have to give the interviews. “Okay, what do we talk about and what not?” Rich asks and looks at T.

“We don’t talk about us as a couple, because we aren’t at the moment, right?” Richard nods quickly, thinking about it the same way. “I mean we can say we had some difficulties in the beginning because it was difficult for you to act like you don’t know everything about me already and me getting to know you.”

“You know about the accident and that I was with you. Let’s say we had a very deep connection before the crash and that’s enough for them to know.” Richard suggests and Taron agrees.

T leans back in the seat and looks down at his hands. “Did you recognize how calm I am driving with you?” he asks and looks at Rich.

“Yeah. You’re sitting still and you stopped tapping your fingers nervously.” he says and looks at him shortly. “Is that a permanent thing or -?”

“Definitely not. Cabs and driving with Bryce still make me feel uncomfortable.” Taron laughs nervously and glances at Richard, who’s driving calmly. The only reason they got into this car crash must have been the woman because Richard was the calmest driver he knows. “Must be your driving style. I feel safe when you’re driving.”

Richard lets out a chocked sound and his body tenses. He sets the blinking light and stops at the side of the road. Sinking his head onto the steering wheel, he takes a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” Taron asks slightly confused and sees how pale Richard becomes. “Did I say something wrong?”

“I feel safe when you’re driving is what you said to me two minutes before the crash.” Rich moans.

“Oh shit. I’m sorry.” T says hastily and hesitantly fondles over his hair calmingly.

Rich sits up and shakes his head. “It’s okay.” he breathes out and looks at him with a weak smile. “Just caught me off guard.” he drives back on the road again and continues driving.

“Did you ever have trouble with driving before?” Taron asks curiously. He never seen Richard in such a state.

“Not the driving itself no.” Richard thinks for a moment. “It’s more mentally like in the form of nightmares. I was supposed to have shot a scene a while ago, but yea.”

“Supposed to?”

“Mm. I’m working on this series where I’m playing the bodyguard of a politician and one day their car is under attack. My costars suit was white and covered in blood, just like your shirt. And our driver got shot and sank down, which reminded me of you fainting. Anyways, I panicked and we haven’t tried it again since.” Rich explains and his grip around the steering wheel gets tighter.

“That sounds like shit. I’m sorry, Rich.” Taron says and rubs his arm shortly.

“It’s okay. Keeley took good care of me. I think you two would get along well easily. Again.” he says, knowing they did before the accident, and parks the car in front of the building.

“I’d love to meet her.” T admits.

The pair make their way into the building. Rich and T greet the first interviewer and sit down next to each other. It’s a friendly looking woman who’s in a good mood. “Hey guys. How are you feeling today?”

“Pretty good.” Taron says and smiles brightly at her.

“That’s lovely to hear! I’m sorry if this is too personal but how are you dealing with the new circumstances?”

“It’s okay. I mean it’s strange to not know dear friends anymore or in the beginning when I found out I had two younger sisters. That was like mind blowing.” he giggles a bit and Rich smirks at him. “But somehow I’m glad I don’t have to remember the car crash and how I felt after I hit my head.”

“Nothing you’d like to remember.” Rich agrees.

“Did you two meet before the start of shooting Rocketman? And how was it actually to start over after this long and genuine friendship?”

They look at each other shortly before Taron starts speaking. “It has been really complicated for both of us. He visited me the day after the accident and I couldn’t remember him. So I kicked him out.” Taron laughs weakly and looks at Richard.

“He told me he needed some space, which was what I gave him. Well three months later, we met again but he couldn’t remember our first encounter after the accident.” Richard tells her and looks at T as if to make sure that was okay to say.

“The first month is kind of a blur.” he laughs and looks back at the interviewer. “But after some discussions, we got along quite well.”

“Discussions. Were you two arguing on set?” she asks curiously.

“We’d love to give you some scandal, but there’s non to give you.” Richard says with a smile.

“At least non we’re discussing in public.” Taron says and both laugh.

She smirks a bit while looking down at her questions. “How is time between shoots? You’ve got an amazing cast of people like Jamie Bell and Bryce Dallas Howard next to you.”  
“We all get along really well and it’s always fun. Even though during breaks, Rich is the one who likes to chat with others.” Taron answers.

“Yeah. Taron has to stay focused otherwise he’ll get distracted when we start again.” Richard chuckles a bit thinking about it.

“I don’t like noise off camera. I’m so easy to distract, it’s unreal.” T laughs and rubs his face shortly.

“You’ve always been that way.”

“Yeah?” T asks curiously and looks at Richard again.

“Yeah. You could do the best take of the scene so far, but if you heard a noise it was all ruined.” Richard tells him chuckling.

“Learning new things about myself every day.” Taron says and grins into the camera.

“So you seem to have a wonderful cast and team to support you through this.” she smiles at T, who nods.

“Yeah. In the beginning I needed my mum, so I spent a month back home in Wales. Then Dex reached out to me and he helped me a lot considering my start into acting again. I also had some help from some friends where I got a bit star struck again.” Taron blushes a bit while grinning. “I mean one day Colin Firth calls you to ask how you are and the next day you talk to Hugh Jackman. Crazy honestly.” He laughs and looks at Richard again, who watches him listening. “I actually was very nervous about meeting Rich. I didn’t know we were so close for years before. Dex gave me a crash course in things like actors, names, movies and series I should definitely know if I don’t wanna look like an idiot.”

Richard giggles softly and his blue eyes shine brightly. “I wonder what he told you about me.”

“I actually don’t know anything anymore besides Game of Thrones, Robb Stark and piercing blue eyes.” he admits chuckling and shrugs his shoulders. Rich lets out a laugh and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, Richard has to suffer from my nosy ass wanting to know stuff about the past.”

“Well it’s understandable that you wanna know more. No one starts his life, being 29, without knowing how he got there.” The Scottish says, shrugging his shoulders. “The most important thing between us at the moment is honesty and a huge amount of trust on Taron’s side.”

“Would trust you with my life, Richie.” T says softly.

“And it’s a lot to take in especially because I was driving. So it was hard to talk about at first. Me and Dex had to take our time.” Rich answers and they look at each other for a moment. And lie to you.

“That’s called a deep bond, guys.” Their interviewer says with a wide smile on her lips.

“Deep bonding, it is.” Taron chuckles.

“So nice to talk to you guys. Have a great day!” She says and shakes both of their hands.

They leave the room and Richard closes the door looking at Taron. “So?”

“I liked her. She was nice.” he says and smiles a bit. “It was actually fun.”

“Yea.” Rich chuckles and they walk into the backroom. “We have twenty minutes until the next one. Wanna get some coffee?”

And so they find themselves in a coffeeshop a few minutes away from where they had to give interviews. T looks at the large menu and lets out a loud breath. “Oh god I hate it!”

“Huh?” Richard asks confused.

“I don’t know what I liked and what I disliked, so I hate ordering stuff.” he says and giggles a bit.

It’s their turn now and Richard orders something for himself and Taron. He hands the cup to T and pays. “You loved that one.”

“Okay then.” Taron says and opens the cup to blow in air, trying to cool it down a bit. He takes a tiny gulp, trying not to burn himself and he loves the taste. It’s a rather sweet coffee with a hint of vanilla. “Oh my god that’s what I needed.” he moans and takes another gulp. “This should be forbidden. It’s way too good.” Taron mumbles and looks at Richard, who chokes on his own coffee trying to hold back his laughter. “Oh fuck off, Rich! That’s the first coffee I’ve had since I could think clear again and doesn’t taste like shit.”

“It’s the only one you like.” Richard explains him and giggles seeing Taron’s happy eyes.

“Don’t laugh at me.” he pouts and wraps both hands around the cup, enjoying the warmth it gives off.

“Okay I’ll show you something else, but you’ll have to close your eyes.” Richard says and grins at him.

“Stop walking! I won’t close my eyes while I walk with a cup of coffee.” he protests giggling and closes his eyes. He feels Richard’s fingers parting his lips and he gives in laughing. “What are you-?” then Richard pushes something into his mouth and Taron recognizes it as a cookie. It tastes like chocolate and is soft and a bit warm. “You wanna kill me?” he moans and opens his eyes again, chewing on it. Richard just chuckles as he continues walking and Taron follows him quickly. “I think I’m gonna let you choose my food from now on. I wanna know all the tasty shit I loved.”

“That could take a while.” Richard says and gets a confused look from T. “You’re a foodie and you loved a lot. I’m considering not showing you something because you dreamt about that shit.”

“I did what?!” Taron’s eyes widen as he looks at him, and it looks adorable.

“You dreamt about fried chicken that you had on one of your press tours once. Then you woke me up and got on my nerves until I got you some at 3am.”

“Sure I wasn’t pregnant?” he asks teasingly.

“A hundred percent, T.” Rich just laughs and shakes his head at that thought. “Oh god if you were pregnant, you’d be crying non-stop.”

“Why?”

“You’re a quick crier, not only when you’re upset. Someone says something nice or you see something cute and you start crying.” Rich tells him and thinks back at all the times he made Taron cry with simply telling him how amazing he really was.

“Jesus.” T breathes out and looks at him. “Do I really cry that fast?”

“I’ll show you that another time.” Rich promises. Not today, he wouldn’t be able to stay distant then.


	6. Part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taron has a rough time and Richard decides to check up on him, knowing how lonely Taron could get. Seeing him so vulnerable and having him close brings up old feelings. And even Taron starts questioning himself why he needs Richard around him so badly. When Taron asks him to practice kissing for set, Richard just can’t say no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Be honest, could you ever love me this way?” Taron asks timidly and his hand wanders onto Richard’s neck, rubbing soft circles on his chin with his thumb.
> 
> “I do.” he admits slowly. He wouldn’t have to fall in love. He already is. Taron made him fall in love all over again and it became harder to hide it as the days went on.
> 
> “Why? I’m a fucking mess, Rich.” T says and bites his lower lip nervously.

When Richard comes on set this day, he hopes to see Taron. He hasn’t heard from him since they gave interviews and he brought him home two weeks ago. It wasn’t unusual that Taron hadn’t text him because he wasn’t using his phone often anymore. But he hasn’t seen him nor has anyone else on set as well. The rest didn’t seem to find it so unusual, so it must have happened before.

The first person he sees is Elton, who is talking to the chief designer of the film. Elton waves him over, seeing that something was on his mind and ends his conversation. “Richard, mate. What’s going on? You look a bit worried.”

Rich leans down to wrap him into a hug before sitting down next to him. “I am actually. Taron hasn’t called or text me in two weeks. No one has heard from him but everyone acts like it’s normal. I don’t know if I’m worried because I knew him differently and know that something is wrong when he behaves like this.”

Elton nods at his words before speaking again. “You’re right about him not feeling well. Since the accident, Taron slips into a depressed state from time to time and it always takes a while before he comes back to his normal, happy persona.”

“He mentioned something like that to me before. But it sounded more like a joke.” Rich says slowly.

“You know Taron best. He doesn’t whine around. I talked to him over the phone a couple days ago and he sounded tired. Maybe you should check on him? Even if it’s just a short visit. He’ll see you’re there for him.” the older man suggests and looks up as Dexter and his husband David come back.

“Yeah, I will do that. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea but now that you’re suggesting it.” Richard says nodding and lets out a relieved breath. “Thank you.”

“No problem, Rich.” he assures him and pats his back.

After some draining work on set, Richard goes home for a shower first. It was a warm day and he was trapped in the fitting room trying on different suits and wigs to see if the preferred hairstyle fits together. His natural hair was a complete mess now.

Afterwards, he drives straight to Taron’s place and walks to his door slowly. Was this really a good idea? Maybe all the stuff in the media about the two of them was the reason for it. He hesitates for a moment before pressing the doorbell. If Taron didn’t need him, he would just go home and wait.

It takes a little while until Taron opens the door, wearing sweatpants and Richard’s dark blue sweater. His eyes are red and puffy. His lower lip is full of tiny bites, which happened whenever he cried. His hair is a fluffy mess and he looks pale and incredibly tired. “You look like you need a hug.” he says and Taron smiles weakly at his comment.

T lets him come inside and closes the door. He looks at Richard for a moment as if he wasn’t sure what to do now. “I-I’m sorry that I didn’t let you know anything. I’m just having a bit of a rough time at the moment and-.” his voice cracks and his eyes fill with tears again. “And I don’t wanna get on anyone’s nerves with it.”

“You’re not getting on anybody’s nerves. Taron, you have the right to feel shitty and no one expects you to pretend everything is okay.” Richard assures him.

“It’s been nearly six months now.” Taron presses out. “Six months, Rich. I should be over it by now.”

“And? You think I’m not thinking about it? I’m still scared every time we sit in a car together.” he says and takes a step closer to T. “Come on, don’t put so much pressure on yourself.”

“I’m just scared.” he presses out and his lips are trembling while tears start falling down his cheeks.

“Come here.” Rich says softly and Taron falls into his arms, like he was waiting for him to say this. His body shakes as he starts crying into his shoulder, uncontrolled sobs leaving his mouth. “Let it all out.” he encourages him and rubs tiny circles on his lower back with one hand. They stay like that for a while, holding each other close. Taron calms down in his arms the longer he holds him and Rich is glad that he still knows how to calm him down quickly.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Taron mumbles into his shirt and sniffs a bit. “I felt so lost the last few days. I wanted to call you, but I felt stupid and insecure about it.”

“I’m here now. You’re safe with me, bubs.” Rich assures him and starts playing with his hair a bit, fondling over the back of his head. “And you can call me whenever you want to. You don’t need a proper reason for it, okay?”

Taron nods and cuddles into him. He takes in the scent of Richard’s cologne and feels safe. Seeing Richard was what made him breakdown, but also calmed him down. He wasn’t alone and Rich was here for him, which wasn’t self-evident after everything they went through. T lifts his head and looks up to Richard. “Thank you.”

Rich looks down at him, caught up in his thoughts, and cups his face, wiping away the tears from his cheeks. Taron looked so soft and helpless right now it drives him crazy. He catches himself looking down at his lips and quickly looks back into his eyes.

Taron has seen his eyes hanging on his lips for a moment and looks deep into Richard’s eyes. The adoration and love in his ocean blue eyes overwhelm him a little. “Richie…I -.” he whispers and stares down at his full lips. For just a moment. Richard must be a great kisser. It was like he was trapped in his scent, his gentle touch on his cheeks and these damn blue eyes. For the first time, he felt his stomach flipping hard from looking at him and somehow, he wishes to have him around all the time.

“We shouldn’t -.” Richard just says and looks down at him, his eyes brimmed with tears.

Taron lifts his hand and strokes his cheek softly, catching a tear with his thumb. “I know.” he says low voiced. “And we won’t.”

Rich looks at him, softness in his features. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to force anything between us, okay?” his voice is trembling now. “It doesn’t have to be this way again if it doesn’t feel right for you.”

Taron nods slowly. “That’s something I’m scared of. What if I never feel that way again and I lose you because of it? It would be your right to stop talking to me, because it wouldn’t be easy for you as well.” he states and looks up to him with fear in his eyes.

“I wouldn’t be mad at you or never talk to you again. It would be the way it is.” Richard says and shrugs his shoulders.

“Be honest, could you ever love me this way?” Taron asks timidly and his hand wanders onto Richard’s neck, rubbing soft circles on his chin with his thumb.

“I do.” he admits slowly. He wouldn’t have to fall in love. He already is. Taron made him fall in love all over again and it became harder to hide it as the days went on.

“Why? I’m a fucking mess, Rich.” T says and bites his lower lip nervously.

“I became a mess myself, T.” Rich sighs and fondles his cheeks with his thumbs. “God, you have no clue how amazing you are, huh?” he breathes out and his eyes wander all over his face. As if to memorize his features.

“Probably.” Taron answers with a soft chuckle. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Focus on yourself for once, will you?” Rich says and laughs softly. “Now take a shower and I’ll take you out in the sun. You need some fresh air.”

“Only if we get some coffee.” Taron says and smirks at him.

“Coffee it is then.” Richard giggles and lets go of him. He watches Taron grab some stuff in his bedroom and closing the bathroom door. “Holy fuck, Richard! Get yourself together, for fucks sake!” he curses himself softly as he buries his face in both hands for a moment. You’re falling too fast! Don’t scare him off!

Taron sits down on a chair in the little café and watches Richard take off his sunglasses and lean back in his chair across from him. He thinks back to the moment they had in his entry hall and a little smile settles on his face. Taron would have never thought it was Richard he needed to calm down. He didn’t think he really needed him so badly. “Have you been on set today?”

“Yeah. I had to try on different suits and stuff to see what could be fitting. Elton’s reactions were quite amusing.” Richard giggles at the thought.

“When Bernie heard you would play John, he said something quite amusing as well.” Taron grins at that thought. “He saw a few pictures of you with the dark hair and in a suit and looked at Dex, then at me and then at Elton. And he was like: ‘All I can say is, John Reid should be happy that someone as good-looking as Richard Madden got to play him’.” He starts giggling as Rich chokes on his coffee surprised.

“What?!” he laughs out loud and looks at Taron shocked.

“I’m not kidding!” he giggles and takes a swallow of his coffee. “So what exactly will be my next scene?”

Richard remains silent for a moment before talking again. “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart. And the following scene with me.”

“Oh.” he says slowly and Rich nods. “You mean the kissing heavily in a closet scene?”

“You could call it that, yeah.” he laughs softly and feels himself getting nervous. It would be a bit difficult after today, but he would give his best to hold himself back during the scene. He and Dexter talked about the kiss together with Elton earlier in the day, but they thought it would be a good enough time to do it. They shot Tiny Dancer between their talks and the interviews and got a pretty good take after the second try. Even though both of them started laughing as soon as Richard finished his speech. All of them agreed that the Take Me To The Pilot scene should be the last one.

“I’m nervous about that one.” he admits and scratches his neck. “I’m not sure if I still know how to kiss properly.” He starts laughing after realizing how stupid it sounds. “This sounds so fucking dumb, oh my god!” he cringes and shakes his head at himself.

“The more nervous you get, the more awkward it’ll be.” Rich says and plays with the cup in his hands. “Every kissing scene is weird, even when you’re a couple. It’s weird to make out in front of a camera.” he states and tries to calm him down.

“Probably.” Taron says slowly and looks down at his hands. Oh boy.

The next day, Richard is at home and relaxing on the sofa with his script. His phone rings and after picking it up, he sees it’s a message from Taron. When he opens it, he reads it over and over again, making sure his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him. He puts his phone aside. Was this a good idea? He picks up his phone again and plays with his lower lip, deep in thoughts.

Hey, Rich. This may sound weird but I wanted to ask you if we could maybe practice the whole kissing thing? You don’t know how often I deleted this message to type it again. If you don’t want to or you think it isn’t a good idea, just tell me. It’s okay… - Taron

We can. I think it’ll be okay. – Richard

Rich stares up at the ceiling and lets out a groan. It wasn’t the best idea to do this but they would have to share passionate kisses tomorrow in front of the camera. He couldn’t just walk in there, shove Taron against the shelves of a closet and kiss him passionately without going through it before. And he knows Taron would be struggling on where to put his hands and sorts. It would look awful if they didn’t practice.

Wanna come over? – Taron

I’ll be there. – Richard

Taron throws his phone aside as soon as Richard answered his question. “Oh my god you fucking weirdo!” he cringes and shakes himself. He rushes into the bathroom and brushes his teeth again, changes into a nice shirt and fixes his hair a bit. He considers taking off his glasses but decides he is too lazy to put in some contact lenses. Fuck, we’re really about to do this.

When Taron opens the door, Richard swallows hard. He has always been a sucker for him in glasses, with those beautiful sparkling soft eyes behind them. “Hey.”  
“Hey.” Taron lets him in and scratches his neck, his cheeks flushing red in embarrassment. “I’m really sorry if it seems weird or-.”

“Taron, it’s okay. We shouldn’t walk into the scene tomorrow completely unprepared.” Richard assures him and takes off his jacket. They sit down in the living room and Richard takes out the script to match it with what they already discussed on set. “We actually talked about it yesterday on set. The way they want to approach the scene.”

“Okay.” T says and looks at him questioningly.

Richard gets up and walks over to a closet full of random stuff and opens it. “I’ll open the door and stand here, telling you to come over.” He looks at him and nods his head towards the closet. “I think you have a line while you’re coming over.” T nods and gets up slowly, walking over to him. “As soon as you’re in, I’ll kick the door closed. Don’t worry it won’t be dark inside.” he says and kicks the door closed again.

“They wouldn’t be able to film us if it was.” T giggles softly and looks at Richard, who catches him smirking when he realizes his mistake. “And then?”

“Then I kiss you while I push you towards the wall.” He says and walks towards him while Taron takes a few steps backwards. “As soon as you hit the wall, I’ll turn off the bright lamp. There will be a few seconds of us kissing. More rough and passionate this time.” Taron nods and now they’re standing close in front of each other. “And then we’ll say our lines and it’s done.”

“Okay, doesn’t sound that complicated.” T says and looks up to him. Maybe for a bit too long.

“It’s all about the way you look and the rest will happen in the moment.” Richard explains and creates some distance between them again. “Elton is completely in love with John at that point and he missed him. Elton longs him, wants to feel his lips and have him as close as he can.” He thinks for a moment and decides to make it easier for Taron to imagine things by talking about themselves, not Elton and John. “Let your eyes wander, stop at my lips for a bit. Try to make me see how much you want it.” Rich says and Taron nods slowly, playing with his hands nervously. “You don’t have to be nervous. It’s just me.” he assures him with a soft smile. “I’ve already been your first real kiss once.”

“My first real kiss?” Taron asks curiously.

“You had one when you were younger but you hated it, so you decided ours is your first.” Richard tells him and smirks a bit.

“Got it.” he says and falls onto the sofa heavily. Taron looks up to Richard and bites his lower lip. He and Richard became close the last few months they were together, especially yesterday. He is unsure about everything, his own feelings and the scene tomorrow. Rich was patient with him and gentle, which only made Taron long his near even more on his unstable days. “Can I kiss you?” he asks timidly and his cheeks flush in embarrassment. Jesus, think before you speak!

Richard stops in his movements and looks at him a bit startled for a moment. He sits down next to him and looks at Taron. The Welsh couldn’t even look in his eyes. Rich thinks it through and he knows there will be no way around it. If not today then tomorrow on set. And so he lifts Taron’s chin with his fingers softly and turns his face towards him. He looks into his blueish green eyes, which watch him with a mixture of interest, fear and longing. “Relax.” he whispers as he comes closer and T nods, his eyes wandering all over his face.

Taron feels his hands starting to get sweaty when Richard is only mere inches away. His heart races when Richard’s lips brush over his ever so softly. T freezes for a moment when Richard connects their lips fully. His lips feel way softer than they look and the kiss is sweet and hesitant, giving him time to process everything. Richard pulls back and opens his ocean blue eyes and Taron feels his throat getting tight, drowning in them. He leans forward, searching Richard’s eyes, and connects their lips as soon as Richard closes his eyes again. T lifts his hand and cups his face hesitating while getting completely lost in the feeling.

When he opens his eyes again and pulls back, Taron looks at him with clouded eyes. “Okay?” he asks just above a whisper and tries to blend out his racing heart.

“Okay.” Taron says and looks at him, remaining silent for a moment. He takes Richard’s hand into his and presses it onto his chest. “Is this shit normal?”

Rich guides his hand onto his chest, letting him feel his racing heart. “In this situation, yes.”

“If that’s what my first real kiss felt like, I’m pretty sure why nothing could top that.” He says and Rich just smirks a bit. “So, how exactly do I kiss you roughly while walking?” he asks and raises his eyebrows at him.

The Scottish pulls him up, grabs his shirt and raises his eyebrows at him. “You let it happen.”

And with that, Taron cups his face and everything else fades away as Richard’s full lips smash onto his and drive him to the edge of going crazy. “Oh fuck.” he mumbles into the kiss and pulls him close. Was this the normal way to fall for someone? Fuck it. We’ll go with it.


	7. Part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shooting the actual scene and kissing in front of the cameras isn’t as relaxing as back in Taron’s apartment. Attending to Elton’s party the next day, with all the alcohol and a kiss with a woman, leads to them talking open about their situation for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t be mean, Rich. I’m trying to tell you something here.” Taron says and frowns at him. He feels tears welling up in his eyes. Taron couldn’t lose Rich, not again.

Neither of them talked about what happened last night as they fell back into their normal state of fooling around. Richard watches Taron recording Don’t Go Breaking My Heart effortlessly. However, as their upcoming scene becomes closer, the more nervous both of them get. Their own feelings mixing with the events of yesterday and the want to do it right for Elton.

Richard walks in and shakes Charlie’s hand, making eye contact with Taron, who stops singing nervously. He opens the door and passes Rachel, portraying Kiki Dee. Then after their first couple of lines, they cut the scene. Now Taron and Richard know it’s bound to start soon. Richard walks towards the closet and steps inside, nodding his head into it, signaling T to come over. Taron rambles his line and walks over to him stepping inside. Richard kicks the door closed and looks at Taron while they hear Dex saying cut.

As soon as the cameras are in the new position, they start the next scene. Richard grabs his neck and smashes his lips onto Taron’s, pushing him closer to the closet wall. Taron’s muttered “holy shit” catches him off guard and he stumbles. He secures Taron’s head with his hand as they crash into the wall. Rich curses as his hand gets trapped between the closet and Taron’s head for a short moment. He holds himself up with his other hand while Taron reaches out for the closet, starting to laugh as the adrenaline kicks in. “Oh my god!” Taron chokes out laughing and the rest of the crew including Rich start laughing as well.

“Please, don’t hurt yourself!” Dexter gets out between laughter as Richard stands up straight and pulls T up fully again.

“Okay, careful now.” Richard giggles and steps back to his starting point. Dexter signals their start and Richard grabs his neck again, kissing him firmly. Taron moans and grabs his arm, steadying himself while he stumbles back. He curses himself for it and knows exactly Richard must have recognized this moan wasn’t planned. It was completely himself and not this role. His former boyfriend must have recognized it. He can feel his little short smirk against his lips.

Rich presses him against the shelves and turns off the bright light so the visibility is low. Taron cups his face now and starts kissing him back just as passionately before Richard pulls back and both catch their breath.

They say their lines and Taron does what Richard suggested. He lets his eyes wander over his face quick, hangs on his lips, looks longingly at him. Richard’s eyes wander down his body, over his chest that’s a bit exposed because of his opened shirt and back to his face. He hangs his gaze on his lips while he talks before looking straight into his eyes and the look he gives him could drive him mad. He’s almost disappointed when Dex looks back at it and compliments them for the quick perfect shot.

“Could have been a one take if you two wouldn’t have been so rough in the beginning.” Dexter jokes and watches them closely.

Rich just nods smirking while Taron grins. “Yep.” Both of them know it hasn’t happened because they were too rough, but simply because of Taron’s natural response to the kisses of his former lover. But hey, they got the perfect shot.

-

Elton throws a party the next day and Taron drives there with Richard. They enjoy themselves genuinely and drink a bit. Taron, who is drinking for the first time again, accidentally has too much and is a bit drunk early on. He doesn’t leave Richard’s side the whole time, his arm wrapped around him and his head resting on his shoulder from time to time. Richard meets one of his friends and steps away from Taron, who starts chatting with a woman he can’t remember the name of only seconds after.

T leans against the wall, his glass abandoned somewhere on the way, and talks to the woman. She flirts with him and somehow Taron thinks it’s funny and starts flirting back. It doesn’t take long before he’s pressed against the wall kissing her. She leads his arms down her hips and presses herself close against him.

After a while, Rich starts searching for Taron, getting tired. He walks back to where they were standing, his eyes wandering the crowd. He makes his way towards the balcony area. When he turns the corner, he sees Taron kissing the woman he was talking to earlier. “Of course.” he growls and pushes the balcony door open, getting some fresh air. He should’ve known that Taron was just acting, but their kiss felt natural like back then. The time they spent together at his apartment. Oh fuck.

Taron freezes in shock when she kisses him and leads his hand down her ass. He decides to let it happen, being as though this would be his first intimate encounter with a woman. But he soon realizes, this wasn’t Richard. She didn’t have his full lips. Her hair wasn’t his soft slight curls. She didn’t make his stomach flip and her kisses didn’t turn him into a mess. He stops her nicely but firm. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” he apologizes and walks away. He quickly pushes the door to the balcony open and breathes in deep. “Hey. There you are.” Taron says and walks over to Rich, who’s leaning against the balustrade looking out in the dark night.

“Mm. I didn’t want to disturb you and your lovely company.” he speaks a little sour.

“Oh, she isn’t important. You could have said something.” Taron says and leans against the balustrade next to him clumsily. He would have to keep an eye on his alcohol level the next time, this wasn’t a good feeling. For someone who had felt lightheaded and dizzy so often before due to his accident, it was scary.

“You always kiss people that aren’t important to ya?” Rich asks and looks at him with raised eyebrows.

“I-no, I don’t.” he sighs and looks down at his hands.

“Listen, T. I’ve told myself the whole time that this between us belongs to the past. But when we shot the scene, I wasn’t sure about that anymore. And when I drove you home and you pulled me into a kiss and didn’t want me to go… For the first time I thought we maybe have a chance.” Richard says slowly. “I know you are confused about all this stuff but if you wanna find out what feels right and what doesn’t, then do that with someone from the whorehouse. Not with me outside of filming and preparation.” he pushes himself away from the balustrade. “Anyways, have fun tonight.”

“Hey, Rich!” Taron grabs his arm and holds him back from walking away. “It wasn’t how it looked like, I swear.” he steps in front of him and sees that Richard doesn’t believe him. He tries to look into his eyes to show his sincerity, but doesn’t get anything but emptiness. Just like when they first started filming, before everything. He has to make this right. “If you don’t believe me now, I can’t change it but hear me out.” Richard groans and looks at him with raised eyebrows. “As you can see, I’m drunk and my brain is working slow. She kissed me and she put my hands where she wanted them. That wasn’t me okay?”

Richard shrugs his shoulders and moves his hand out of his grip. What was he trying to pull? “You let her do it anyways.”

“Yea and I pushed her away like ten seconds later because I realized something.” Taron says and gets nervous as Richard stops again. “She isn’t you.” he breathes out nervously and his eyes start burning.

“Oh congrats to your drunk ass.” Rich says and folds his arms in front of his chest.

“Don’t be mean, Rich. I’m trying to tell you something here.” Taron says and frowns at him. He feels tears welling up in his eyes. Taron couldn’t lose Rich, not again. “I wasn’t fully sure because you’re the first one I can remember and I don’t know how I feel when I’m in love. But I realized it today. Not in the best way, I know that.” Taron sees Richard’s face soften a bit, but his eyes were still skeptical. He plays with his hands nervously. Was this a good sign? “I love you and that makes me insecure because I don’t know if you still do. I don’t know how to act in a relationship. I don’t know what it means to be with someone and that feels awful. The only thing I know is that I feel best when you’re with me and I don’t wanna spend another day without you.” he admits and presses his lips together, trying to hold back the tears and looking down at the floor as he fails to do so.

“Why didn’t you talk to me about that? You don’t have to let some random woman kiss you to find something like that out.” Rich says and turns towards him fully again. He carefully lifts his head and meets his favorite pair of eyes filled with tears. “Oh, Taron. You don’t have to cry. I’m sorry.”

“I’m scared, I guess. I don’t wanna mess things up.” he admits and bites his lower lip when Richard wipes away a tear softly. “I’m sorry, Rich. I would never use you like that.”

“It’s okay.” Rich says and wraps him into a hug.

They remain silent for a while until Taron looks up to him. “What the hell is a whorehouse?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older.” Richard giggles.

“Fuck off.” T growls playfully and wraps his arms around his waist. He looks deep into Richard’s eyes and comes a bit closer. “I wasn’t pretending when I kissed you a few days ago.”

“I know. I am able to see and feel the difference from you.” Richard admits lowly and fondles over his cheek gently. “Are you sure about all of this?”

“I think so. As sure as I can be, I guess.” he says and looks deep into his eyes. His stomach flips when he sees the warmth in them and he presses himself close against him.

“Okay.” Rich says and sees how Taron’s puppy eyes long for just anything from Rich.

Taron pulls him down into a kiss, but is stopped by Richard immediately. “What’s wrong?” he asks timidly and takes a step back. Was he rushing things?

“Not here, in the middle of the balcony where everyone can see us.” Rich says and Taron nods. He pulls him into the corner and leans against the wall.

Taron stands up on his toes and connects their lips in a hungry kiss. He moans softly into it and tries to get closer. He cups Richard’s face and sinks deeper into the kiss. The Scottish grabs him by the waist and presses him against the wall, looking down at him. “How could I ever forget something as good as this?” he asks and places a short kiss onto his lips.

“I’m glad to have you back.” Richard says and leans his forehead against Taron’s. “I missed you.” he breathes out and bops Taron’s nose with his own.

T wraps his arms around his neck and smiles lazily. “Glad to be back.” He stumbles clumsily and Richard secures him immediately. “Fuck, I’m so drunk.” he moans, making them both laugh.

-

Taron closes the door to his apartment and stumbles into his room. He takes out his phone and dials the number of his mother. Taron gets out of his jeans while he waits for his mother to take the call and gets in some sweatpants.

“Taron? Are you alright?” His mother asks worried.

“We kissed, mum. And I told him about my feelings!” he cheers a bit and still can’t believe what happened. Richard still loved him, even though he became such a crazy mess.

“Are you drunk?” she laughs a bit and groans. “It’s 2am, get to bed.”

“Yes, I am. But mum we…I think we’re back where we left off.” Taron says and sits down on his bed.

“I’m really happy for you, sweetie. But we both need some sleep. Let’s talk tomorrow, okay?”

-

Richard wakes up confused when his doorbell rings through the silence of the house. He rubs his face and looks at his watch, letting out a groan. Rich considers going back to sleep but gives himself a push and gets up. He opens the door and looks into a beautiful pair of blueish green eyes. “What the fuck, Taron?!”

“Hello to you too.” T says and smirks at him.

“What are you doing here?” Rich asks and runs his fingers through his hair tiredly. Was he dreaming or is Taron really on his doorstep?

“Couldn’t sleep.” Taron shrugs his shoulders and his grins widens. “Wanted to see you.”

“It’s 4am.” Richard growls.

“Yeah, sorry. The accident fucked up my sleep schedule.” he giggles softly and gives Richard his biggest puppy eyes. “Want some company? We could go for a walk and get some fresh air.”

Richard leans his head against the door and watches him amused. Was he mocking him right now? “You’re kidding me?”

Taron frowns and shakes his head. “No.”

Rich watches him for a moment before starting to laugh. “Okay, first rule. If you want some late-night cuddles, you call me. Don’t invite me on a walk outside at 4am when we were supposed to go to bed two hours ago.” he giggles and T starts laughing as well. Richard grabs his hand and pulls him inside. “Come in, you crazy idiot.”

Taron kicks off his shoes and takes off his jacket. He wraps his arms around Richard’s neck and kisses him lovingly. “I love you.” he says happily.

“And I’m tired.” Richard says and chuckles at Taron’s offended look. “Let’s get some sleep now, okay?” he asks and T nods slowly. Rich picks him up and carries him into his bedroom. He lies him down and slides under the covers, pulling him close. T relaxes in his arms and nestles his face in the crook of his neck. “I love you too, bubs.” he whispers and places a kiss into his fluffy hair. He feels Taron smiling and plays with his hair gently until he hears Taron’s breathing becoming more even and his body calms. It’s the first time in over six months that Taron fell asleep in his arms again and knowing that gives him a great amount of peace.


	8. Part 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a night they spent together, Taron knows he wants Richard around him permanently. So he comes up with a plan to ask the important question and accompanies Richard to the Bodyguard set to help him with the scene he couldn’t do all these weeks ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Nightmare?” Rich asks worried and fondles over his head softly. Taron looks up slowly and meets his eyes. He nods embarrassed and feels tears burning in his eyes. Richard pulls him on his lap and rubs his back smoothly. “It’s okay, I get it.”
> 
> “Yeah?” Taron asks and his voice sounds small and intimidated.

Richard wakes up when Taron starts moving in his arms and lets out a whine. He lets go off him and T rolls onto his back panting. Rich sits up, tiredly rubbing his eyes, and looks down at him. Was he having a nightmare?

Taron flinches in his sleep and contorts his face before waking up sucking in a breath. T sits up and buries his face in his hands. “Fuck,” he mumbles and hopes he didn’t wake up Rich. Those bloody nightmares!

“Nightmare?” Rich asks worried and fondles over his head softly. Taron looks up slowly and meets his eyes. He nods embarrassed and feels tears burning in his eyes. Richard pulls him on his lap and rubs his back smoothly. “It’s okay, I get it.”

“Yeah?” Taron asks and his voice sounds small and intimidated.

“Yeah. I have them a lot,” Richard states and tries to comfort him, placing a kiss onto his hair.

“Me too,” T admits and takes in Richards scent, calming him down. “Sometimes I dream about it, based on the stories I heard about it. Then I wake up and sometimes I’m slipping into a panic attack not knowing if I forgot everything again.”

“What calms you down then?” Rich asks trying to keep up the conversation. He knows Taron needed to talk about his struggles, but never did on his own, worrying to be a burden.

T reaches out for his phone on the nightstand and removes the case. He takes out the picture of them both and looks up to him, vulnerability lacing his voice and his whole figure, “When I see this, I know I’m okay, because I didn’t know about that picture and you when I came back from the hospital.”

Richard presses a kiss onto his forehead and brushes over his cheek not knowing what to say. He thinks for a moment and sees the mixture of hurt, fear and need for near in Tarons eyes. “If you ever need me after such a nightmare just let me know,” he offers and Taron curls up against him.

Later Taron wakes up, still wrapped into Richards arms, with their picture in his hand and he feels warm and protected. He watches Richard sleeping, softness in his features, his hair a beautiful mess. T caresses his cheek ever so softly and feels tears in his eyes. “I can’t believe you’ve still wanted me,” he whispers and his eyes wander all over Richards face.

When Richard opens his eyes there are tears on Tarons cheeks. “Hey, what’s going on?” he asks carefully and wipes the tears away.

“Nothing. I’ve been thinking,” T says and smiles at him weakly. “What if I’ll never become the person you loved all these months ago? What if I mess things up or do things you hate or- I don’t know, Rich,” he rambles with a pained expression.

“Love, don’t worry so much about becoming the way you were back then. Honestly, you made me fall in love all over again, so there’s nothing wrong, right?” Rich tries to comfort him and rubs tiny circles between his shoulders. “We will let it happen slowly and you’ll have all the time you need, okay?” Taron nods quickly. “I love you so much, bub.”

“I love you, too,” T says and smiles at him through tears. He was extremely scared to mess things up with Richard and he doesn’t want to lose him. Again.

“We won’t date before you don’t feel like it,” Rich assures him.

“I love you, but why should we date?” Taron asks confused.

“Because we’re obviously attracted to each other,” he answers smirking.

Taron tilts his head to side a little and raises his eyebrows, “I’m attracted to fried chicken but I don’t feel the need to date fried chicken.”

“Fucking dumbass,” Rich groans and rubs his face laughing before punching Taron into the arm playfully.

“Yeah, I love you too,” T growls chuckling and kisses his nose making Richard scrunch his face.

-

A few days later, Richard has to be back on set of Bodyguard again. Richard isn’t dressed up yet, still in sweatpants and a shirt, his hair is a bit of a mess. The doorbell rings and when he opens the door, he sees Taron standing there smiling. Rich pulls him in and kisses him lovingly.

“Thought I’ll bring you some breakfast even though I don’t know if you like the stuff I brought,” Taron laughs nervously.

Richard chuckles and pulls him close, “Babe, calm down. You don’t have to be such a nervous mess around me.” he smiles down at him and kisses him lovingly, “I love you and you’re safe with me, remember?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Taron giggles and nods. “Ready for work today?”

“Not yet,” Rich admits and looks down at himself.

“You look gorgeous as always, love,” T says and rolls his eyes playfully. Richard always looked good, he never saw him looking bad. Even when he was completely exhausted it was cute. “I wanted to ask you something, but I think I’ll do that later.”

“Okay?” Rich says slowly and watches him observantly, “I’m gonna go for a shower then.”

\- 

Taron is nervous when Richard takes out the fresh warm bread from the bag and places it on their plates. As soon as he finds the note in it T doesn’t dare to look at him. He hears Richard coming over to him and looks up when he leans down to him. Taron sees the tears in his eyes and the smile on his lips and doesn’t know what to think of it.

“Yes,” Richard says and kisses him sweetly.

“Yes?” Taron asks nervously and Richard pulls him up from his seat cupping his face.

“Yes, I wanna be your boyfriend,” he says and his heart melts when Tarons eyes start shining happily. “Wanna come with me on set? You could meet Keeley,” he suggests.

“Yeah, sure,” T agrees and kisses him lovingly, running his hands through his hair.

\- 

“Taron, this is Keeley,” Richard says and introduces his boyfriend to his friend.

Keeley shakes his hand with a bright smile. “We’ve already met a few times. I hope you’re feeling better,” she says.

“I am,” he says with a smile and looks at Rich. “Having him back around me helps a lot,” he admits and Rich smiles down at him softly before pressing a kiss onto his temple.

“So, you two are officially back together?” Keeley asks they walk towards the dressing room.

“Yes,” Richard says and gets punched in the arm for it. “Oi, what was that for?!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Keeley asks shocked and starts laughing seeing his look.

“To be fair, I asked him this morning before we came here. Besides that, interesting to know that Rich likes to talk about me,” Taron says teasingly and they all start laughing.

“I needed Keeley when things between us were shit, you know?” he grabs Tarons hand and squeezes it softly while walking.

Taron interlocks their fingers and chuckles, “I was just kidding. I talked to my mum, Dex, even Elton and Bryce about you.”

Keeley starts laughing as she opens the door. “I think you’re even, Rich. Do you know what we’re shooting today?” she asks and looks up to Richard who stops in the door frame.

“Seeing your white suit, I suppose I do,” he says and sighs a bit. Fuck.

“Maybe it’ll be better this time with T on set, don’t you think?” she encourages him and grabs her suit.

Taron looks at Richard frowning who takes a deep breath and takes his suit. What would be better with him on set? He sits down on the sofa and waits for Keeley and Richard to dress up. Taron thinks about stuff Richard told him about working on Bodyguard but his brain can’t put the puzzle together. When Keeley steps out, dressed in a white suit he suddenly realizes which scene they are talking about. “It’s the attack in the car, right?” Taron asks her low voiced and she nods.

Richard steps out of his room dressed in a dark suit and closes the buttons nervously. He doesn’t have a good feeling at all about the next scene and he would have preferred if people told him this scene would happen today. “How long did you know about this?” Rich asks Keeley and curses as the button keeps on slipping from his shaking hands.

“I arrived ten minutes earlier than you and they told me then. Seems like they wanna throw us into it and push the anxiety level. Which is absolutely stupid after last time,” She sighs a bit and runs her fingers through her hair. “Listen, if it’s too much I’m sure we can do this another way. There’s no need in pushing you into something.”

“It’s alright. It probably won’t happen at the first take, but yeah,” Richard gives up and leaves his suit jacket open, wanting to sink his trembling hands into the pockets of his trousers, just to realize he hasn’t any.

“I need to go. My hair needs a redo,” she says with a smile and looks back at Rich for a moment, “Breathe, okay?”

He nods slowly and watches her as she closes the door. As always when she leaves while they’re on set he feels anxiety and loneliness creeping up in him. He knows she is feeling the exact same way, both suffering under the level of pressure and tension being put on them whenever they are on set. It got bearable for them together, which is why Keeley came over to visit on set, even when she had no scene herself to shoot. 

“You’re alright?” Taron asks and walks over to him. Rich nods but doesn’t say anything and avoids his look. “Hey, love, come on,” he says softly and cups his face with one hand turning him towards him, “You can be honest with me, I promise.”

Rich looks down at the floor for a moment before looking up again, “The last time we tried this scene I panicked. And I feel like panicking again,” he admits and shrugs his shoulders. “It’s annoying because I want to get it done and I put so much work into this series, I don’t want it to be shit.”

Taron starts closing the buttons of Richards jacket and nods at his words. When he’s done, he grabs his hands and feels them shaking hard. “Look at me,” he says and Richard meets his eyes, “Breathe in deep.” He does it with him and squeezes his hands softly. “It’s just a scene, none of it is real.” Rich nods slowly. “And breathe out.” Taron watches him doing it and squeezes his hands encouragingly. “Good. I want you to breathe deep when you feel like panicking and remember that it’s just fiction.”

“Okay,” Rich says weakly and pulls him into a tight hug.

\- 

Richard fights against the panic rising in his body and takes a deep breath. Just a scene, just a scene. He gets past the first few seconds and they cover them in fake blood again, taking their time to cover his face and hands in it. Taron makes a funny face at him to make him feel better but it only helps a little.

They get back into the car and Richard takes a deep breath. He can keep calm until they throw the sugar blood against their windows and then he sinks down in his seat scared as hell. He tries to breathe and turns sideward letting out a growl. "Keeley?” he whines and reaches back for her as she offers her hand.

“You’re gonna be okay?” she asks not giving a fuck about the camera next to her. They could still cut it.

“No,” Rich turns forward again and looks up at the ceiling panting while his eyes fill with tears. “Oh god I can’t do this,” he pants and feels her letting go of his hand.

Keeley steps out of the car and shakes her head towards John, their director, who stops the cameras. She waves Taron over and smiles at him encouragingly. “Maybe you can calm him down enough. We shouldn’t force him into anything,” she says and opens the door as Taron nods.

T bites his lower lip seeing Richard like this. He leans over him and unbuckles him in his seat. “Okay, you can get out?” he asks and Rich nods. Taron crouches down in front of him on the floor and watches him worried. All the time he was the one overthinking and panicking. And all the time Richard comforted him, it was intimidating seeing Richard like this now.

“I can’t do this, all I see is you and-” his voice cracks a bit as he looks up, his eyes filled with tears.

“Hey, shh, I’m here,” Taron says and cups his face. “I’m here and we’re okay. I promise you, we’re okay, Richie,” he tries to comfort him and brushes his thumbs over Richards cheeks.

Rich lets out a shuddery breath and tries to focus. Taron was right, they were okay. He could feel his hands on his cheeks, he could smell his sweet scent surrounding him and his beautiful eyes were right in front of him. But it was hard to keep that in mind during the scene. Taron wants to pull him into a hug but he stops him, “I’ll make your shirt dirty.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Taron growls and wraps his arms around him. Richard holds him tight and buries his face in his shoulder. T rubs his back smoothly and waits for Richards breathing to get more even. He pulls back and looks at him focused, “Listen, your panic won’t stop, you will be scared as shit and that’s okay. You’ll have to accept it, the more you fight against it the more it’ll take control over you,” Taron says.

Keeley looks down at him surprised and thinks for a moment. She didn’t expect Taron telling him to let it happen.

“Let it happen, take a moment and then lead it into a direction where it’s useful. One of the first things you told me about acting is to take a strong emotion of yours and turn it into something you can use for a scene,” Taron continues and Richard listens concentrated, “Use your panic for David’s shock, use your fear for his, use the urge to get away and blend everything out for his need to calm Julia and himself down and get them out.”

Rich nods slowly, “Okay.”

“You’re Richard Madden, you’re gonna nail this scene,” T says and winks at him, “We’re gonna get some coffee later and I can stay with you tonight. Sounds good?”

Rich nods and takes a deep breath. They get up and Richard leans against the car behind him shaking a bit. He sees their director coming over, now that they’re done talking. “I’m so sorry, John.” he says and contorts his face.

“Don’t worry about that, Rich. You’ll get as much time as you need for this, maybe it helps having Taron here,” he says and turns around, “Okay, let’s take a break!” he shouts.

Keeley wraps her blanket around Richard and hands him a bottle of water, “Let’s sit down somewhere.”

Taron wraps his arm around Richard and walks close next to him, following Keeley. They sit down on the stairs in front of the building. Rich makes himself comfortable on Tarons lap and cuddles into him sideward. “You’re okay?” T asks and Richard nods.

“You want some cookies?” Keeley asks and Rich takes one giggling.

“From where exactly did you get them now?” Taron laughs as he takes one. Keeley was only wearing her suit and they didn’t get anything.

“She always has some cookies with her, T,” Rich chuckles and watches his friend.

“A secret of mine,” she says and winks at them.

\- 

This evening they are lying next to each other in Richards bed. Rich is cuddled into Taron and enjoys the comforting near of his boyfriend. T presses a kiss into his hair and fondles over it, “I’m so proud of you.”

“Why?” Rich giggles softly and cuddles into him deeper lazily.

“Because you did the scene so brilliantly even though you were scared,” Taron says and Richard looks up to him with tired blue eyes, “You’re very brave, do you know that?”

“Not really,” Richard chuckles and shakes his head.

“Yes, you are, love,” Taron says and plays with it his hair.

“I couldn’t have done it without you, T,” Rich admits and looks deep into his eyes, sinking more and more into them. “It helped to push everything aside seeing you being absolutely fine.”

“That’s why Keeley waved me over,” Taron answers. “You’ve done that for me before, don’t worry about it.”

“We make a pretty good team,” Rich mumbles as he buries his face in his chest again.

“Yes, we do,” T whispers.


	9. Part 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three months later it’s already December and they moved back in together. While Taron focuses on shooting Richard is physically and mentally drained, finally finished with shooting The Bodyguard. He avoids Taron until they have to sort it out as a specif shooting day comes closer, which leads to them ending in the bathtub…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “What’s wrong?”
> 
> He shrugs his shoulders and tries to keep his tears in. He stayed strong the last two weeks that went similar like this here. But it started to scratch on his emotional and mental state, it threatened him to fall back into a phase of depression, because he felt helpless not being able to help Richard.
> 
> “You wanna talk about it?” Rich asks carefully and gets up. He walks over to Taron who shakes his head furiously and tries to wipe away a tear without getting caught. Richard places his hand underneath his chin and it hurts seeing his boyfriend flinch at his touch. He lifts his head and meets two really sad eyes, filled with tears. “Oh, bubs,” he whispers and strokes over his cheek while grabbing one of his hands, “I’m sorry for being so distant lately.”

Three months later, it’s already December and they moved in together. Everything went fine between them, Taron got more comfortable around Richard and less nervous. Even though there are some struggles when Richard is so physically and mentally drained from shooting bodyguard, he isn’t really in the mood for anything else. Acting became hard because this experience took so much out of him.

Taron comes home from set at 3pm and tries to be as quiet as possible. He doesn’t know if Richard is catching up sleep after a sleepless night yesterday. Stretching his aching body, he walks into the kitchen and sees the untouched breakfast he made for Rich. T sighs a bit and puts it away cleaning the kitchen. He walks upstairs and opens the door slowly, seeing Rich is in a deep sleep. He walks over to his closet and gets some comfortable clothes, needing a shower.

Taron enjoys the warm water running down his body and relaxing every aching muscle. He runs his fingers through his hair that’s getting a bit longer again. Dexter told him they would only need one scene to shoot still, then work on set for both Richard and Taron is done. At least with shooting. T doesn’t feel good about it at all because it’s the scene where John and Elton sleep together for the first time. It was quite fitting that Taron had no clue about it, not remembering any of that, and Richard was the one with experience. But that didn’t make him less nervous because it should look convincing and he shouldn’t look scared or nervous to mess things up. They want to shoot it in two weeks and Taron knows he has to do a lot of work to motivate his boyfriend for acting again.

Getting out of the shower he dries his body quickly and dresses up into some comfy clothes. He loves feeling the soft fabric against his skin, relaxing him as well. Walking out of the bathroom he sees Richard isn’t in their bed anymore.

Taron walks down the stairs and finds him in the living room, lazily changing programs on the TV. He leans in the doorframe when Richard meets his eyes and turns off the TV.

“Hey, how was work?” Rich asks with a warm smile.

“It was okay. How are you?” he asks staying where he is and watching him observantly.

“I’m really tired, to be honest. Couldn’t sleep last night,” Richard sighs and rubs his face a bit.

“You could’ve told me,” Taron says.

“You need to work,” Rich answers and looks down at his hands.

“Oh, Richie, you know I don’t mind you waking me up,” he says with a soft smile on his lips.

“I won’t,” he says harsher than he wanted to and Tarons smile fades.

“I just thought it may be easier to get calm enough to sleep,” Taron says low voiced and bites his lower lip nervously, knowing he did the wrong thing now. Richard hated what was going on at the moment and Taron learned quickly that offering help made him feel stupid. But, sometimes he couldn’t stop himself.

“And I said I won’t wake you up,” Rich says firmly and looks down at his hands. He doesn’t want to wake up Taron and rob him of his sleep. Taron was working a lot, finishing a movie without knowing this is the role of his life. He needed to be focused and well rested.

“Okay then,” T mumbles and looks down at the floor unable to keep eye contact anymore. “You want some dinner later?” he tries again and swallows hard seeing Richard shaking his head.

“I don’t think I’d be a good company,” Rich says and shrugs his shoulders.

Taron nods slowly and his throat gets tight. “Okay,” he says barely above a whisper and tries to hide the shaking in his voice. Another evening on his own then. He looks down at the floor for a moment before looking up with tears in his eyes. “I think I’ll get some sleep then,” he presses out and his face threatens to crumple and expose him getting upset.

Richard looks at him a bit startled hearing the sound of his voice and seeing how he struggles to keep a straight face. “You’re alright?” he asks.

Taron shakes his head looking down at his hands and avoids his look. He wouldn’t risk a fight or making Richard upset, he had a hard time himself.

“What’s wrong?”

He shrugs his shoulders and tries to keep his tears in. He stayed strong the last two weeks that went similar like this here. But it started to scratch on his emotional and mental state, it threatened him to fall back into a phase of depression, because he felt helpless not being able to help Richard.

“You wanna talk about it?” Rich asks carefully and gets up. He walks over to Taron who shakes his head furiously and tries to wipe away a tear without getting caught. Richard places his hand underneath his chin and it hurts seeing his boyfriend flinch at his touch. He lifts his head and meets two really sad eyes, filled with tears. “Oh, bubs,” he whispers and strokes over his cheek while grabbing one of his hands, “I’m sorry for being so distant lately.”

Taron presses his lips together and wants nothing more than calming down. “S'okay,” he mumbles.

“No it’s not. I’m sorry for putting this all on you, it’s not fair,” Rich sighs a bit and tries to make eye contact. “Come on, talk to me,” he urges him softly.

“Dex told me about the upcoming scene and-” Taron shrugs his shoulders helplessly, “I-I don’t know how we should shoot such a scene, when we can barely speak to each other and I can’t remember sleeping with someone.” Now the tears fall down his cheeks and he bites his lower lip sniffing a bit. “And I-I miss you, you know. I miss us,” he admits and feels better finally telling him, but also bad for doing it. “And it’s not fair telling you this, because you’re having a hard time right now. But I can’t keep pretending I’m okay,” His voice cracks at his last sentence and Richard immediately gets reminded of his costar Sophie saying a similar sentence to his character David after his suicide attempt. You can’t keep pretending you’re okay. And Taron was right, none of them could.

Richard feels tears welling up in his eyes and bites his lower lip. Being so caught up in his own mental struggles and anxious phases he forget how difficult it was for Taron. His boyfriend was still fighting with everything a lot and now he completely left him hanging. “I’m so sorry, Taron. And it’s okay to tell me when something doesn’t do you good. Especially when it’s me, okay?” Richard carefully wraps his arms around him and hesitantly pulls him closer. “I’d need you all the time at the moment but I was scared I would do you no good with it.”

Taron buries his face in his shoulder and groans. “You’re so stupid sometimes. I told you so often before you can come to me when you need me. I’m here for you. Isn’t that what I should do as your boyfriend?”

“I know, but I feel bad putting my shit onto you,” Rich admits and sniffs as his tears fall down his cheeks.

“Please don’t,” Taron says and pulls back to cup his face, “I love you, no matter how shitty you feel.”

“I love you too,” Richard says and contorts his face, “I just don’t know if I have enough energy to be back on set so soon,” he admits through tears and feels immensely stupid for it.

“I think we should get you out of this dark place you’re in at the moment and brighten up your days as a start,” T suggests and Rich nods before cuddling into him tiredly.

“I need you, T,” he admits softly.

“I’ll be going nowhere the next two weeks,” Taron promises and kisses his hair, “And I need you, too.”

-

A few days later they talked about everything and things became more or less normal between them again. Richard took the script for the upcoming scene to read it through and it’s the first in a while. He bites his lower lip nervously thinking about it. Watching Taron sitting opposite of him, in the big comfy arm chair, he realizes how intimidating the thought of pretending to sleep with him in front of others must be, “Taron?”

“Mm?” T hums while reading the script again himself. When Richard doesn’t answer he looks up and chuckles when he sees his raised eyebrows. “Yes, my love?” he asks teasingly and Rich cracks up.

Richard pats his lap and T gets up falling onto him. He wraps his arms around him from behind and places a kiss on his shoulder. “You’re nervous about it?”

“Yeah,” Taron admits and leans back against his boyfriend. “Scared to mess something up. I mean this scene is so fucking important, not only for the movie.”

Richard nods slowly and remains silent for a moment. “Listen, we will do this as good as we can, without putting too much pressure on us.” T nods and plays with his hands nervously. “We still have two weeks time where we can go through everything,” Richard says and leans back pulling T with him.

-

This night Richard can’t sleep thinking about everything and turns onto his side letting out a soft groan. He starts fondling over Tarons hair and loves how soft it feels.

Taron wakes up soon. “Can’t sleep?” he asks and rubs his eyes.

“Not really tired yet,” he says and squints his eyes when Taron turns on the bedside lamp.

Taron pulls him into a warm hug and places kisses all over his hair. He closes his eyes and relaxes while cuddling his sleepless boyfriend. “Okay, I have some ideas to get you some sleep,” he mumbles and buries his nose in Richards hair, “Jus’ need a minute.”

-

With some ideas Richard didn’t think they would go out for a walk at 2am. But Taron said some fresh air would wake him up a bit and maybe make Rich tired. And so they were walking through a cold winter night, close to each other and holding hands.

They told their friends and parents that they were back together but didn’t make it official. It wasn’t like they were hiding but as long as no pictures appeared they wouldn’t really think about doing it. It was more relaxed for both of them this way.

Rich glances at T who’s wearing a thick coat, the hood of a thick sweater and his jacket on his head. His face is half hidden behind a scarf and Richard remembers once more how quickly Taron became cold outside and now he was tired additionally. He stops walking and pulls Taron close who watches him questioning. “I love you,” he says and pulls down the scarf to kiss him. Afterwards he pulls it up again and bops Tarons nose lovingly.

“Love you, too,” he mumbles and smiles softly, his eyes shining.

“We’re outside for a while now. You’re cold, let’s go home,” Richard suggests and Taron nods thankfully.

-

Back home Taron suggests Richard a warm bath to calm his body down. He lets the water run in while Richard gets some comfy clothes.

Richard steps inside the bathroom and sees his shivering boyfriend. “You could join me, if you want to,” he says slowly and Taron looks at him thinking for a moment. Then he nods slowly. Richard knows he needs to lead Taron towards the upcoming scene. They needed some intimate moments so Taron would become more comfortable around him then.

When the water is ready they undress themselves and Richard gets into the bathtub first. Taron follows and sits down between his legs leaning against him. He smiles a bit when Richard starts rubbing his arms, trying to warm him up even more.

Richard pulls him onto his lap and T turns sideward a bit. He slides forward to make them both go deeper into the water and leans his head against the bathtub.

T cuddles into him and nestles his face in his neck. “I love you.” he whispers and places a kiss onto Richards neck. He feels Richard placing a kiss into his hair after telling him the same three words. Taron closes his eyes and focuses completely on the moment. He loves being so close and intimate with his boyfriend, their skin touching, while he’s safe in Richards arms. Taron places kisses on his neck and bites him softly, Richard melted once when he bit him below his ear for fun. Rich lets out a soft moan and closes his eyes enjoying the feeling. T liked to experiment a bit from time to time and see how Richard reacted to it. “Taron,” he growls a bit and his hand wanders up tangling in his hair.

“Mm?” T hums and sucks softly at the bite mark before looking at him curiously.

“Please don’t stop,” Rich breathes out and leans his head back giving him full access.

Taron smirks triumphing and leans down, leaving tiny bites all over Richards neck. The small groan leaving Richards lips as he bites him firmly makes him chuckle against the already reddish skin.

Richard pulls him up and smashes his lips onto Tarons, sharing passionate kisses. "You’re driving me crazy, you know that?“ he breathes out between kisses and pulls Taron close.

"I’m not even doing anything, I was just biting you a little,” Taron giggles and wraps his arms around his neck.

“Just biting a little?” Rich chokes out and laughs. “We’re naked in a tub, you’re sitting on my lap and bite my neck, calling it just biting a little?”

Taron thinks for a moment before smirking, “Okay, fair point.”

Rich rolls his eyes playfully and lets them wander all over Tarons face. His hair is wet and some water drops are on his jawline. “You’re so beautiful, it’s unreal.”

Taron blushes and shakes his head. “Stop it,” T whispers and smiles. He sits up straight on his lap, plays with his hair and stares deep into his eyes. “So how exactly is this stuff we’re gonna shoot working in real life, Mr. Madden?”

“You really wanna drive me crazy?” Rich moans and feels his body heating up.

Taron recognizes the change and raises his eyebrows, “I suppose it’s working.”

“Get out of that tub,” Richard growls and bites his lower lip.

“What did I do wrong now?” Taron laughs and pouts at Richard.

The Scottish grins and raises his eyebrows. “You really wanna do this in the bathtub?”

“Oh,” Taron just says and smirks, “Maybe another time.” he winks at him and squeaks when Richard pats his bum.

“Get. Out.”


	10. Part 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard decides to make Taron feel more comfortable around him and takes care of him and his needs in their bed. Taron quickly relaxes underneath his touch and sooner than he thought he’s already begging for more…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taron nods quickly. “Do whatever you need to do,” he moans softly seeing Richard sitting up and leaning over him. “Just do it quickly, please,” he begs and hears Rich chuckling. He didn’t feel such a need to be close to Richard before, to have him all over him, feeling his lips smashing onto his.

Richard walks Taron to their bed kissing him passionately. They are wearing their boxers again, Richard wanting to give Taron some time to fit into the situation.

Taron lies down and pulls his boyfriend on top of him. They share hungry kisses and T gets lost in the feeling. His hands wander down Richards back, exploring his skin underneath his finger tips.

Richard takes things slow, is gentle with Taron, and gives him time to explore his body with his hands, feel their skin against each other. He doesn’t want to scare him and guides him gently.

Taron watches Richard adoringly who’s touching him soft and careful. He had never been such hesitating and gentle before, and Richard was so soft with him all the time. “I’m not made of glass you know,” T giggles softly and Rich smirks at him.

“Don’t wanna make you feel uncomfortable in any way,” Richard admits and smiles at him softly.

“I’ll tell you, I promise,” Taron says and runs his hands over his hair.

Richard nods and leans down starting to kiss down his torso. His hands stroke down, holding his hips while placing kisses onto his abdomen. T squirms a bit as he gets closer to the rim of his boxers. Rich glances up and sees he’s enjoying the feeling. He wanders further down and places kisses up Tarons thighs, still knowing exactly where his weak spots are. Richard brushes his lips over one of them before pressing them down onto it.

“Holy shit,” Taron mumbles and squirms. When Richard sinks his teeth into the spot on his thigh and sucks at it, he feels himself getting hard and moans softly.

Richard pushes himself up again and kisses Taron lovingly. They get rid of their boxers between the kisses and throw them aside. Rich rolls on his back, pulling T with him, giving him the chance for some control.

Taron slides down onto his lap and leans forward to continue where he stopped in the bathroom. Sinking his teeth into Richards neck he can hear him groan and smiles to himself. T slides down further to reach him better and his bum rubs over Richards erection making him moan sweetly.

Richard flips them over again and looks down at Taron. “You wanna do this tonight?” he asks carefully making sure he’s not rushing him into anything, “If you don’t and just wanna cuddle like this for a bit it’s okay.”

“No, I think I’m fine with it,” Taron says but blushes a bit and looks away from him for a moment, “I just -” he stops talking and looks at Richard, embarrassed.

“I’ll guide you through it, you don’t have to worry about doing something wrong,” Richard assures him seeing he’s insecure about what to do.

“Okay,” Taron says and smiles up to him. It was always easy around Richard, who seemed to be able to read his mind. He makes himself comfortable in the pillows and watches him curiously.

Rich disappears in the bathroom for a moment coming back with some lube. He removed it from their bedside table, not wanting to put this constant reminder in front of them. Putting it on the said table he focuses back on his boyfriend. “Stop me whenever you don’t like something,” he says and takes Tarons hard cock into his hand. He runs his thumb over the tip, collecting all the precum and Taron moans sweetly at his touch.

Taron loves feeling Richards hand pumping him and stroking his dick. When he starts massaging his balls with his other hand his mouth falls open in a loud groan. T feels himself dripping onto Richards hand and gasps when Richard wraps his full lips around the tip of his cock, sucking softly. His hands grab the sheets out of a reflex and he lets out a breathy relieved moan. It feels like all the stress and anxiety fall off of him and leave him breathless on this bed. He reaches down to grab Richard’s hair and tangles his fingers in it when Rich lays his tongue flat against his tip, squeezing him gently. He pulls at his curls in surprise and Richard moans around his cock which causes him to buck up his hips cursing.

Richard loves hearing his moans, seeing he enjoys every little move he does just like all this months ago. He pulls back leaving Taron panting for air, “I’ll have to open you up a bit before getting inside of you, okay?”

Taron nods quickly. “Do whatever you need to do,” he moans softly seeing Richard sitting up and leaning over him. “Just do it quickly, please,” he begs and hears Rich chuckling. He didn’t feel such a need to be close to Richard before, to have him all over him, feeling his lips smashing onto his.

“Get on your knees and hands for me, darling. That will make it easier for you in the beginning,” Richard suggests and Taron does as he says. Rich coats his fingers in a great amount of lube and strokes over Tarons lower back calmingly. “Relax, okay?”

T nods and flinches slightly as he feels something cold pressing against his entrance. Rich soothes him softly and then he feels him pressing his finger into him. He gasps at the new sensation burning through his body and bites his lower lip. Richard moves his finger a bit, getting deeper with every move and stretching his hole.

“Good?” Richard asks and rubs Tarons lower back calmingly. His boyfriend nods and lets out a strangled sound when he starts moving his finger, pushing in and pulling out again. When his hole is stretched out enough for the second finger, Taron pushes back needy for more. Richard adds a second finger and pumps into him gently.

It doesn’t take all too long and Richard has three fingers in. Taron enjoys the feeling and moans softly, his hands grabbing the sheets beneath him firmly, his hips pushing back. He trusts Richard fully at that point and relaxes into his touch.

Richard is surprised how easy it was to get where they are at the moment. He thought Taron would be a lot more insecure, but his boy was living for it. Time to get things really going. Richard pushes in deep, curls up his fingers and brushes them over his prostate.

“Ohh god,” Taron moans out loud and his whole body tenses. “Please do that again,” he begs and Richard hits the spot again effortless. Taron feels his arms starting to shake at the intense feeling hitting his body. With every time Richards fingers brush over that spot, he feels his body getting weaker and can’t hold himself up on his arms anymore. He breaks down and rests his head on his arms moaning, his bum still in the air.

“Feeling good?” Richard asks softly and massages his prostate firmly making Taron swear under his breath.

“Mhmm,” he just hums and sucks in air sharply. “So fucking good,” he breathes out and moans wrecked.

Rich chuckles to himself, some things never change. Taron always turned into a moaning mess as soon as he had his fingers inside him. He was a sucker for having him inside of him.

Taron pulls at the sheets breathless and presses his eyes shut letting out a groan. “Fuck, Rich-!” his legs are trembling as well and so Richard pulls his fingers out leaving him empty.

Tarons whine brings a smirk onto his lips and he pats his bum softly. “Lie down, baby,” Richard says and Taron does as he says. Rich opens his legs and pushes in again, T grabs the headboard above him and moans.

Taron closes his eyes and gets lost in the feeling trying to keep his volume down. He feels Richards breath ghosting over his neck and opens his eyes again, looking at his favorite type of blue. Taron smiles up at him and grabs his neck pulling him down to kiss him. As soon as their lips meet he moans loudly into Richards mouth, knowing he can stifle his moans that way. He pulls back with a groan as Richard massages his prostate again and arches into his touch. “Please,” he pants and lets out a strangled sound. “Please get inside me,” he begs and fondles over Richards hair.

“Okay,” he says and kisses him again before pulling back and sitting up. Richard takes the lube from the bedside table and coats his hard cock in it, moaning as he finally gets some friction going. He hovers over Taron, bracing him next to his head and places a soft kiss on his nose making him giggle. “Tell me when I hurt you in any way,” Richard says and Taron nods fondling over his cheek.

Taron feels Richards hard cock pushing against his entrance and he opens his legs wider, making it easier for him. T growls at the feeling of Richard pushing in careful and slow, in tiny thrusts. When he’s in fully both of them moan at the feeling. Taron is perfectly stretched around him and it feels so good, finally being filled by him. Rich gives him a moment to adjust and Taron starts moving his hips the same rhythm as his thrusts.

Richard watches Taron underneath him and only feels the lust pumping through his veins faster. His boyfriends mouth falls open and his eyebrows crumble in pleasure. Tarons moans are needy and Richard knows how he can help him to get what he needs, “When you wrap your legs around my waist I can get in deeper. That should feel better for you.”

Taron does as he says and the next thrust Richard does feels so much better it drives him crazy. T throws his arm over his mouth trying to stifle his moans.

Richard reaches up and softly removes his arm. “Jus’ let it out,” he says and bops his nose lovingly. “I’d love to hear you,” he murmurs into his ear and Tarons body tenses at his words. Richard takes his time, thrusting in slow, wanting to make it Taron enjoy as long as he could.

“Oh god, Rich,” he groans and moves his hips, trying to intensify the feeling. “Need more, please,” he breathes out and his cheeks flush red.

Richard laughs softly and starts pushing in faster and firmer. Watching Tarons reaction could make him cum immediately and he’s glad he has a bit self-control left.

“Ugh yes,” Taron moans out obscenely loud and throws his head back, arching into the next thrust. His hands settle on Richards back and he digs his nails into him, when he pushes in perfectly deep.

Richard changes his position a bit and pushes himself up a little. He thrusts in roughly and massages Tarons prostate perfectly. Taron underneath him whines his name and rolls his eyes back, squirming underneath him.

“Fuck, do that again,” Taron begs and gasps as he does. After a few more thrusts against his prostate, Taron turns into a moaning mess underneath his boyfriend. He feels sweat on his forehead, his mouth releases needy moans and he feels his dick getting harder.

Richard feels Taron getting tighter around his cock and he growls at that feeling. He leans down, murmuring praises into Tarons ear, hearing him moan in response to everything he does. Richard always loved his vocal boy. “Doing so good for me,” Rich whispers and kisses his neck, nibbling on his ear lovingly. He thrusts in hard and rough, losing control over himself for a moment. “Fuck, sorry.” he mumbles.

Taron tangles his hand in Richards curls and bucks his hips up quickly. “You’re welcome to do that again,” he gets out between moans and now something in Richards behavior changes. His boyfriend pushes himself up and grabs the headboard, pushing into him hard. T lets out a satisfied moan and arches into it. “Fuck, yes, Richie!”

Richard thrusts into Taron roughly now, who doesn’t seem to mind it at all. He feels the old urge of being rough with T and make him beg for more coming up in him and has troubles to hold it back. This had to wait for another time he tells himself and continues pounding into his moaning boyfriend.

“I feel like I’m about to expl-ohh-de,” Taron moans out and feels himself dripping onto his stomach. His movements get sloppier and his moans shorter. His whole body is heating up in waves, he squirms underneath Richard and grabs his bum, pushing him in deeper.

Rich lets go off the headboard and breaks down, barely able to hold himself above Taron. “I’m so fucking close,” he growls and sees Taron is the same, letting out these high pitched short moans he loves so much. He feels Taron tightening drastically underneath him and fondles over his hair. “Cum for me, baby,” he murmurs into his ear and thrusts into him one last time, stumbling into his orgasm.

Taron doesn’t know what feels better. The way he releases all over their torsos, his body shaking heavily while his sight goes blur or Richard filling him up and breaking down on him shaking. They ride out their orgasms together, panting each other’s names and some undefinable nonsense.

Richard rolls his hips lazily before pulling out and rolling down from Taron panting heavily. He glances at Taron who looks up at the ceiling catching his breath. T turns his head towards him smiling lazily. “Seems like we need another shower,” Rich says and Taron grabs his hand.

“Thank you,” he breathes out.

“For what?” Rich asks and caresses his cheek.

“For being so careful and caring with me in everything you do. Makes me feel safe,” T states and plants a tiny kiss on Richards nose.

“I’m just trying to make you feel comfortable,” he answers and smiles at him a bit.

“I love you,” Taron says and his smiles gets soft, just like his whole face.

“I love you too, bubs,” Richard says and kisses him gently on his lips, leaning his forehead against Tarons.

“How exactly should I be able to not get hard during this scene?” Taron groans and looks at Richard with a smirk.

“You won’t be the only one, believe me,” Rich promises and both chuckle a bit.

-

Taron fell back into his old habit of teasing Richard whenever he had the chance to do so. One time Richard was cooking and Taron hugged him from behind. Everything was fine until he pressed his lap close against Richards ass and let his hand rub down his cock through his trousers. Richard turned down the heat, picked him up and shoved him against the wall immediately.

Today was the day of the shoot and they arrived on set an hour earlier, staying in Tarons trailer. It didn’t take long until they decided to get rid of a bit of the tension before the scene. They had half an hour left and Taron sank down on Richards dick, driving both of them crazy while riding him slowly.

On set it seemed like torture to both of them to slowly undress each other, role around on bed without wearing anything and pretending to sleep with each other. They kissed hungrily, trying not to lose control and keep it simple.

When they roll around Taron sinks his teeth into Richards shoulder and Rich has troubles to keep a moan in. Bloody wanker, he thinks.

After a hundred shoots, different angles and some annoying cuts from Dex, they are finally done. Taron grabs the two bathrobes, and both cover each other enough to hide how hard they got, while putting them on. Dexter tells them how proud he is of them and hugs them both, being happy they are back together.

-

A bit later Richard drives them back home and glances at Taron. “Isn’t it crazy that our work for this movie is done now?”

“Yeah, seems unreal. I feel like I’ve been working my whole life on it,” Taron remains silent for a moment. “Which isn’t even wrong in my case,” he giggles softly and Rich lets out a laugh. “Which also means it feels like I spent my whole life with you.“

Richard smiles at him before focusing back on the street. He grabs Tarons hand and squeezes it softly, fondling his knuckles.

“And that’s the one good thing about all of this crazy shit,” T admits and lifts their hands up to his mouth placing a kiss onto Richards.


	11. Part 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taron and Richard spend Christmas with Taron’s family back in Wales, accompanied by the first snow for T and a sweet present for Richard. A few weeks later Taron has to present the category of his boyfriend at the Golden Globes…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rich bops his nose with his own and smiles. “Merry Christmas, bubs,” he whispers and kisses him again lovingly.
> 
> “I have something for you,” Taron says and takes out a little present from the pocket of his jacket, “It’s just something tiny that I wanted to give you in privacy.”
> 
> Richard opens it and sees a little key chain. He turns it around and watches it in awe. Behind the glass is the picture of himself kissing Taron’s hair, which both of them love so much. Underneath it the words I love you forever, okay? is engraved. Rich’s eyes fill with tears rapidly and he presses his lips together.
> 
> “Oh no, why are you crying?” Taron asks scared and tries to make eye contact with him. Did he do something wrong?

Taron wakes up on Christmas, hugged tightly in Richards embrace. He quickly recognizes his boyfriend’s still deep asleep and so he remains where he is looking out of the window. There hasn’t been any snow this winter and Taron hoped for it so badly, because he wanted to have snow on Christmas, of which everyone said it’s so beautiful.

After a while Richard wakes up and nestles his face in Tarons back. His boyfriend turns around and pulls him close, knowing he needs some time to wake up fully. Rich cuddles into him and rubs his eyes. “Morning,” he mumbles.

“Morning, love,” Taron says and kisses his hair, fondling over it.

They are in Wales at the moment, staying with Tarons mum who invited them both for Christmas. It was lovely to be around his mum and Richard at the same time, seeing how good they get along.

After a quick shower both of them go downstairs, hand in hand, and greet Tarons family. It’s a lovely Christmas day filled with laughter and fun. In the evening Richard talks with Tarons mum while T has his sisters next to him. Rosie is sitting on his lap and tells him about something they did last year with him. “Can you sing our song?” she asks him and looks up to him with begging eyes.

“Our song?” Taron asks and looks down at her questioning.

“Yeah, you always sing that song for us,” she says confused and frowns a bit.

“I’ll have to find out which song it is then, because right now I can’t remember it,” Taron says with a soft smile and Rosie nods.

“You were a better brother before the accident,” Mari says and looks up to him as well.

Taron swallows hard and realizes once more that children simply hit you with the truth, whether you like it or not. He places Rosie on the sofa and gets up. “I’ll be in the kitchen for a moment,” he tells them and walks out of the living room.

Richard looks after him and bites his lower lip. He heard that last comment of his sister and he knows it hit him. But who could blame her? Taron had changed and of course he couldn’t remember stuff he did with his sisters or songs they loved.

Taron steps into the kitchen with tears in his eyes and takes a deep breath. He recognizes his stepfather too late and can’t hide it anymore.

“Taron, are you alright?” he asks and looks at him worried.

“Yeah,” T says slowly and leans against the table, “It just seems I’m not as good as a brother as before.” he states and looks out of the window.

“Did they say that?” he asks carefully and Taron nods, “Don’t worry, I’ll talk to them. It’s just as weird for them as it is for you.”

He walks outside and Taron leaves the kitchen as well, opening the front door and sitting down at the stairs in front of the house. Only a short moment later the front door opens and he almost feels the presence of Richard already.

Rich sits down next to him and watches him observantly. “You’re okay?” he asks softly and rubs his lower back. Taron braces his head on his hand and shakes it, “You three have to get comfortable around each other again. They are too small to realize what it means when you lose your memory.”

“I know. I just hoped we three could start over just like I did with you,” Taron sighs and stares out in the dark.

“Well I’m 32, they are 5 and 7, that’s a bit of a difference,” Rich chuckles and T nods giggling, “And it didn’t go so smooth with us in the beginning as well.” Richard says and wraps his arm around him.

“That’s true,” T leans his head against his shoulder and sighs, "You know I just feel bad because I wanna be a good brother to them.”

“Don’t try to meet the expectations of a ‘perfect’ brother. Be yourself and they’ll get used to everything,” Richard tells him and places a tiny kiss onto his hair, “It’s gonna be okay.”

Taron cuddles into him and closes his eyes. It seemed unreal to him sometimes how safe he felt in his arms. “Thanks, Rich.” he mumbles and grabs his hand.

They sit there in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company and Richard looks up in the sky. Suddenly he lets out a chuckle and pats Taron’s back. “Remember when you wanted white Christmas?” he asks and Taron hums a yes. “Well I think that’s a good start.”

Taron looks up confused and sees snow falling down everywhere around them. His eyes light up and he looks at Rich who watches him with a warm smile. Taron cups his face and pulls him close kissing him gently.

Rich bops his nose with his own and smiles. “Merry Christmas, bubs,” he whispers and kisses him again lovingly.

“I have something for you,” Taron says and takes out a little present from the pocket of his jacket, “It’s just something tiny that I wanted to give you in privacy.”

Richard opens it and sees a little key chain. He turns it around and watches it in awe. Behind the glass is the picture of himself kissing Taron’s hair, which both of them love so much. Underneath it the words I love you forever, okay? is engraved. Rich’s eyes fill with tears rapidly and he presses his lips together.

“Oh no, why are you crying?” Taron asks scared and tries to make eye contact with him. Did he do something wrong?

Richard looks up, tears falling down his cheeks. “I love you so much,” he presses out weakly and Taron cups his face fondling over his cheeks.

“Oh, Richie,” he whispers and pulls him into a hug, holding him close. He fondles over his hair while Rich sniffs in his shoulder and his own eyes fill with tears of joy as well. "I love you, too,” he says and hot tears fall down his cheek. "Whatever happens I want that to be your constant reminder of the truth,” he says and cups Richard’s face.

“I won’t let anything happen to you again.” he whispers and leans his forehead against Tarons. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“As if that was a bad thing,” Taron giggles softly.

"I’m so glad to have you back,” Rich presses out and hugs him tightly again feeling himself getting emotional.

Tarons heart swells and he hugs him back, just as tight. They stay like that for what feels like hours until they’re cold. “Let’s get inside huh?”

-

Only two weeks later and it’s time for their first official public appearance. The Golden Globes take place and Richard got nominated for his performance in Bodyguard. He’s nervous but it feels good to have Taron right by his side. Richard decided to walk down the red carpet with Taron together, their hands tangled.

T was a nervous wreck, being on his first public event after his accident. He got asked to announce the winner in Richards category and he agreed hoping he would say the name of his boyfriend at the end of the night.

In the middle of the carpet, Richard presses a kiss onto his temple, reassuring them both. They get inside and Taron holds Richard’s hand tightly feeling lost between all these unknown people. Then they meet Keeley and Taron feels a bit better having two people he knows and can rely on around him.

“It’s a bit overwhelming, huh?” Keeley asks and gives him a compassionate smile while Richard walks them to a table standing a bit aside.

“Yes, it really is,” T admits chuckling. “But I’m glad I have you two with me,” he admits and grins at her.

They stop at a table and Rich wraps his arm around him pulling him close. “Alright?” he asks and T nods smiling at him happily.

-

A bit later they are sitting in the huge room and have a good view at the stage. T feels his nervousness creeping up in him thinking about standing on stage in front of all these people. “Why did I agree to do this?” Taron growls a bit and shifts in his seat.

“Because you wanna hand your boyfriend his golden globe,” Keeley says next to him and grins at them.

“Keeley, stop it,” Richard chuckles and shakes his head. He wouldn’t win, no chance.

Taron walks onto the stage nervously and steps forward waiting until the room goes quiet. He starts talking, introduces the nominees and then takes his chance to add something quickly. “I just wanted to say that before I came up here, there were like a hundred people greeting me and whenever I wanted to greet them back, I didn’t know who it was. So, please don’t think I didn’t answer because I became an asshole.” Some chuckles can be heard and Taron smirks a bit. “It’s simply because I can’t remember shit and I’m glad that I remembered the time I had to be on stage as I struggle to keep information sometimes.” People start clapping and laugh and Taron can see Keeley and Rich giggle softly at his words. He waits until everyone calmed down again and opens the letter in his hand. “And the winner is -” he opens the card and he feels like he could burst with pride. His eyes start shining as he looks at his boyfriend who raises his eyebrows at his look. “Richard Madden!” he starts clapping with the rest and smiles at his boyfriend who gets up looking shocked and hugs Keeley quickly.

Richard walks up the stairs and smirks at the proud look of his boyfriend. Taron hands him the globe and Richard puts it aside quickly to cup his face and kiss him happily, which leads to more cheering. Rich steps forward and thanks his team, his family. “I wanna thank Keeley, who is a brilliant actress and friend. You become one of the most important people to me over the last year,” He looks at Taron for a moment and smiles softly before continuing, “And thank you to my boyfriend Taron, who never stopped supporting me through all of this even though he had enough shit to deal with himself,” he grabs his hand and sees Taron’s adoring smile, “I love you,” he says and pulls him into another kiss before leaving the stage with him together, going backstage.

-

As soon as the next break start, Keeley rushes into the room and hugs them both tightly, “I’m so proud of you two! I bet you two just killed a few fans with that kiss,” She giggles as Richard rolls his eyes laughing at her.

Suddenly a blonde woman rushes towards them and squeaks Richards name. Richards face lights up and he opens his arms to pull her into a tight hug, “Sophie, so lovely to see you!”

“She’s one of his best friends,” Keeley whispers into Taron’s ear, “That’s Joe her husband, you two got along quite well.”

Joe smiles at Taron and offers him his hand. Taron grabs his hand and smiles, “Joe, am I right?” he makes sure again and the man in front of him nods.

“How are you, mate?” Joe asks and watches his girlfriend giggling who’s sharing excited news with Richard.

“I’m actually great, thanks. Keeley just told me we’ve been friends, so I’m sorry if it seems awkward,” Taron apologizes sincerely.

“Oh T, don’t worry. I’m glad you’re better, lad,” Joe wraps his arm around him and pats his shoulder.

They all start joking around and it doesn’t take long until a few others joined the table, Colin came over to congratulate them on their relationship and speaks to Taron for a little while. Bryce, Dex and Jamie all take their time to admire Richard’s golden globe and congratulate him on it.

“Next year it’s your turn,” Keeley says and smiles at Taron.

“Oh god no!” he laughs and shakes his head. “I’m glad I could remember the lines for this movie.” he giggles.

“Taron you’ve always been a brilliant actor,” Sophie says and Joe nods, supporting her statement.

“Wanna make a bet?” Jamie asks grinning.

“Depends,” T giggles.

“If you win, you’ll have to invite us all for dinner. If not, I’ll pay,” he says and raises his eyebrows.

“Which is a win-win situation for me because I’d love to have dinner with you all,” Taron admits laughing and shakes Jamie’s hand. He looks up as he feels Richards hand on his lower back and sees the adoration in his deep blue eyes.

Richard watches his boyfriend and realizes once more how much he loves him. He pulls him close to him and places a soft tiny kiss into his hair, while T rests his head against his shoulder.

“Dumb question but how exactly did you learn all that stuff about acting again so fast?” Sophie asks interested.

“I had help,” he giggles softly. “Dex gave me a crash course on stuff and people I should know. Colin and Hugh Jackman gave me a call and we talked about some stuff regarding the acting, they made me watch my old movies which was a very strange experience,” he laughs and looks up at Rich. “When we shot together, I learned a lot and I actually tried to remember stuff by watching others,” he explains.

“And all the basics in life?” Joe asks.

“My mum, Dex and Rich. When we started to spend more time again, I had someone to watch doing stuff and he took his time to explain me some things.” Taron says and takes a swallow of his drink. “It’s like starting over with several things but having a package of language and some basic knowledge you don’t know how to use.”

“Wasn’t so easy mentally I bet,” Sophie says with a compassionate smile.

“I was depressed very often in the beginning and it lessened the more I got back into an actual life,” Taron nods and grabs Richard’s hand who squeezes it. “But a day like this made us closer than we were when I met him again, so it had its good sides as well.”

“Dork,” Rich chuckles and T looks up to him giggling. Richard watches Taron standing up on his toes and feels him planting his lips on his for a short sweet kiss. If there was one thing he always loved about his boyfriend, then it was how less he cared about other people when he wanted to kiss him.

“It’s so good to see you two back together,” Keeley says and everyone agrees.

“Good to be back.” Taron says smiling.


	12. Part 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rocketman, a proposal, the Golden Globes and a wedding. We reached the end ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe he would have never experienced how it feels to truly love someone. Maybe he would have never learned to take care of himself and be aware of his feelings. There were a lot more “maybes” on his list, but he knows one thing for sure-
> 
> “You’re alright?” he gets interrupted in his thoughts.
> 
> Taron looks up into his favorite pair of blue eyes. “Yes, I am more than alright,” he says.
> 
> “So, Mr. Madden, would you like to dance with me?” Richard asks and winks at him as he grabs his hand.
> 
> “I would love to,” Taron answers giggling and shakes his head.
> 
> \- Richard Madden, his husband, was the realest and best thing that ever happened to him.

A few months late, the premiere of Rocketman in Cannes took place. It’s still unreal to Taron that they got a four minute standing ovation for it. He got to sing Rocketman with Elton at the beach and the whole evening happened in a blur.

It’s November 2019 now and his birthday is getting close. This year was wild and full of adventures. He feels Richard wrapping his arms around him from behind and smiles softly when he presses a kiss onto his temple.

“Everything alright?” Rich asks and rests his head on his shoulder admiring the sight Taron has from their balcony. The sun was going down over London and the sky was covered in a beautiful soft red.

“Yeah, I was just thinking about this crazy year,” he admits and leans his head against Richard’s.

“It really has been crazy,” Rich admits, giggling. “You’re the actor of the year.”

Taron grins when he hears the proud in Richard’s voice. “Mm and my boyfriend is the most stylish man this year,” he says just as proud making Richard smirk. He jumps up and pulls Richard onto his chair, sitting down on his lap, “I didn’t imagine my life would take such a beautiful turn after the accident.”

Richard watches him lovingly and nods. “Everything happens for a reason,” he says and wraps his arms around his boyfriend, “And I’m glad you’re my reason for that shit that happened.”

“Well I’m glad you’re my reason too,” Taron says and starts playing with Richard’s curls. “I would be very lonely without you.”

“Me too, bub.”

-

Taron stands there with a smile as his friends sing Happy Birthday to him. They are at Elton’s place and Rich and Elton invited some friends and family. Jamie, Bryce, Dex and Bernie. Keeley, Sophie and Joe. Richard’s and Taron’s parents and little sisters. Niall Horan, who became a great mate of Taron and Richard after a night out and a surprising meeting in a bar is also here.

“Make a wish!” Niall cheers as he leans down to blow out the candle and Taron closes his eyes shortly before blowing out the candles.

Richard wraps him into a hug and kisses him lovingly. “What did you wish for?” he whispers.

“I’ll tell you when it happens,” he whispers back and smiles at him adoringly.

-

A bit later, Taron sits on Richard’s lap, enjoying the company of his friends and family. Suddenly someone asks Niall and Elton to play some songs and all get up to dance. Rich tries to pull him up, “Come on let’s dance.”

“Why should I dance now?” he laughs and watches his boyfriend adoringly.

“You loved to do it,” he says and smirks at him.

Taron starts to get nervous and plays with his hands, “I-I’m not sure if I’m still able to-.”

“Trust me. I’ll guide you,” Richard says and Taron’s face softens as he gets up.

“Fine,” Taron sighs and follows Richard onto the dance floor.

Niall starts singing the song that Rich suggested he could play. Taron used to love that song. “When you feel your love’s been taken, when you know there’s something missing,” he starts his song Flicker.

Taron looks up at Richard and listens closely to the lyrics. “When you know there’s something missing. Sounds familiar,” he jokes and Rich smirks.

I’m afraid that what we had is gone.

Richard thinks back to when Taron couldn’t remember him that day in the hospital and swallows. Everything they had was gone, but it came back so much stronger.

They continue dancing both listing to lyrics and taking them in differently than they did before the accident.

When you lay there and you’re sleeping

Hear the patterns of your breathing

And I tell you things you’ve never heard before

“You did that a lot. Telling me things I’ve never heard before,” T giggles and Richard chuckles.

“True.”

Then I look in my heart

There’s a light in the dark

Still a flicker of hope that you first gave to me

That I wanna keep

Please don’t leave

When Richard meets Taron’s eyes again, they are filled with tears. “Why are you crying now?” he asks confused and carefully strokes over his cheek continuing to dance.

“I’ll tell you later.” he says and smiles up to him happily. He buries his face in his shoulder and breathes in Richards cologne. When the song ends all of their friends stop dancing and look at them.

“What’s going on?” Rich asks laughing and Taron takes a step back.

Niall sits down on the edge of the stage and grins at his mates and Elton watches them from the piano stool. “Okay, here we go,” Taron says and smiles at Richard. “I won’t talk much because then I’ll probably start crying, but there are a few things I wanna tell you,” he says and Richard nods slowly not knowing what to expect, “When I met you, I didn’t know about our past and we had a rough start because of that. But you gave me a choice and the chance to get to know you all over again. You took the time to get to know me all over again. And I don’t think that anybody else would have done that.” Taron shrugs his shoulders. “I changed. I don’t have to remember the past to know that. But somehow you stayed,” he smiles softly, “You’re my flicker of hope, you’ve always been. I don’t ever want to be parted from you as we were all this time ago,” he kneels down and opens a little box with a ring. “I know this is pretty fast but when did we ever do something as it should be? Do you want to marry me, Richie?” he asks and sees his beautiful deep blue eyes fill with tears.

“Yes,” Richard nods and his hands are trembling when Taron puts on the ring. They fall into a tight hug while the rest cheers and cry into each other’s shoulder.

-

A bit later, they are standing outside on Elton’s balcony where Taron was honest about his feelings for the first time and enjoy the little time of silence. Richard looks at Taron curiously and turns towards him, leaning against the balustrade. “So what did you want to tell me after the dance?”

“I just realized you were my flicker of hope in all of this shit and I guess that made me a bit emotional.” Taron admits and blushes softly. “And my birthday wish turned true when you said yes.”

Rich looks at him speechless for a moment before he pulls him close and connects their lips to a loving kiss. “You are the cutest person I know,” he admits and smiles at him.

“Well, I hope so,” Taron giggles softly.

-

Only three months later they are back at the Golden Globes, Taron being nominated with his performance in Rocketman. He’s sitting next to Elton and even though he hides it really well, he feels a bit anxious about Richard not being with them. Richard had been away shooting in Spain and wasn’t able to make it in time, his flight back only attended ten minutes ago and he didn’t want to suddenly walk inside this room full of people.

When his name gets called Elton and David start cheering loudly next to him and Taron smiles shyly not believing his ears. He gets up nervously, hugging Lucy and Rami, who are at the same table and walks towards the stairs.

On stage, he quickly hugs Chris and Scarlett who give him his globe and takes a deep breath. He thanks everyone included on the movie, Elton, David, Dex and hopes he didn’t forget someone. Then he takes another deep breath and smiles, “And I wanna thank my fiancé Richard, who just came back home from shooting in Spain half an hour ago. I am eternally grateful for everything you did, and I’ll see you later,” he says and gets distracted by the audience starting to clap and cheer. Taron looks to his side a bit startled when he sees Scarlett stepping out of his vision. His eyes widen when he sees his fiancé standing there with a bright smile and nothing than pure adoration and proud in his eyes.

Richard chuckles feeling Taron falling into his arms and wraps his arms tightly around him. “I’m so proud of you.” he says and T pulls back beaming. Richard kisses him lovingly before letting him get his golden globe, stammering another thank you and coming back grabbing his hand. Rich leads them down from the stage and out of the room. As soon as they closed the door behind them, they are standing in the empty hallway and Richard cups his face with both hands kissing him hungrily.

Taron moans into the kiss and kisses him back passionately. “Oh fuck I missed you so much!” he admits and Richard nods agreeing. It’s been the first time that they were parted longer than a week, at least for Taron.

“I missed you too, bubs. But now I’m here,” Rich smiles at him and hugs him tightly burying his face in his neck.

Taron fondles over his curls lovingly and smirks, “You’re tired from your flight?”

“Yeah. And I really wanna get out of this suit,” Richard groans and smirks up to him. “I can’t wait to fall asleep next to you tonight,” he says and bops Taron’s nose with his own.

“We’ll try to get out of here as soon as we can, I promise,” Taron says smiling and grabs his hands. “You’re gonna come with me so they can engrave my name on it?” he asks and Richard agrees immediately.

A little while later, Jamie is joining the table of all their friends and winks at T. “Seems like you have to pay for dinner,” He grins and pulls him into a strong hug. “Congratulations, mate. You deserve it!”

“Thank you,” Taron answers smiling and hugs him back. “Yeah, seems like I have to pay,” he giggles.

-

Richard nearly fell asleep in Taron’s arms during the talks with their friends and is incredibly tired already. When they finally leave, it’s already 2am and Richard rubs his face tiredly, yawning. He pats himself hard on his cheeks, trying to wake up enough to drive and T glances at him.

“You’re sure you wanna drive?” Taron asks worried and watches him closely. Richard looked terribly tired and exhausted.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” he says and yawns again, opening the car door.

“Richie, you’re exhausted,” T tries softly.

“Well, who should drive then, huh?” he asks confused and wants to get in.

“I-I could try,” Taron says barely audible. This was so stupid.

“Taron, love,” Richard starts softly, “It’s dark and already late. You barely drove short ways during the day so far. You really think that’s a good idea?”

“Not better than letting you drive now,” Taron mumbles and Richard watches him observantly.

Richard could see that Taron was scared. Scared of another accident, scared that something happened to them. He walks over to him and nods. “Okay, I trust you,” he says and hands him the keys. He hugs Taron tightly and presses a kiss onto his forehead, “I know you can do it and I’ll be right there.”

Taron nods and quickly gets in, taking a few deep breaths until Richard got in on the passenger side. T turns the key around and starts the car, buckling up. His fingers wrap themselves tightly around the steering wheel as he sets the blinking lights. “Okay, here we go,” He mumbles more to himself and bites his lower lip.

Richard glances over at him and sees how nervous and uncomfortable he looks. He reaches over to him and places his hand on his thigh, fondling him calmingly. “I know you can do it, bubs. Take a deep breath, focus on the street and don’t let anything stress you out. I’m right here,” He says calming and rubs tiny circles on his inner thigh before squeezing encouragingly.

Taron starts driving and his stomach protests against it almost instantly, but he decides to continue his drive. He is lucky about every red-light and Richard’s encouragements from time to time help him to focus. When he parks the car in front of their house he starts giggling, not believing he just drove them all the way home in the middle of a cold night in January. He rests his head on his hands on the steering wheel and groans, “OH my god, that was fucking scary!”

Richard watches him with a smirk and rubs his back. “I am so proud of you,” he says and grins widely as Taron looks up at him. “Look at you, my brave boy,” his voice gets soft and adoring as he fondles over his cheek.

Taron nestles his face in his hand and closes his eyes for a moment. “Wouldn’t have been able to do this without you next to me.” he places his hand on top of Richard’s and smirks, “Just like so many things.”

“Shut up,” Richard chuckles and connects their lips sweetly, “God, I am so proud of you after today.”

Taron blushes wildly, “You definitely need sleep,” He says and makes them both laugh into their kiss. 

-

Their wedding day is the most emotional day Taron can remember. He’s crying most of the time, cuddled into Richard, overwhelmed by everything that’s going on. Richard takes it as it is and thinks it’s cute, cuddles him and showers him with kisses. Walking down the alley with his mum towards Richard was the scariest and most exciting thing he ever did and saying yes felt amazing. When he saw Richard’s deep blue eyes fill with tears as he saw him, his measured sweet lover crying just seeing him in his wedding suit, he knew he finally was where he belonged. Dancing to Your song, holding each other close, while sharing loving kisses from time to time and staring into each other’s eyes felt perfect.

He watches Richard talking to his little sisters and imagines him with children. How cute would be Richard as a father? His heart warms at that thought and he feels happy and peaceful.

Taron never thought he would ever be able to be happy again or just smile. The first couple months after the accident he went through hell, feeling useless and lost. A good cry was almost welcome, because it was those days, he didn’t feel numb.

Meeting Richard let those feelings disappear and then come back stronger after their first confrontation with a part of the truth. But the more time he spent with the Scottish and the closer they got again, the more he felt alive. Truly alive.

Maybe he would have never experienced how it feels to truly love someone. Maybe he would have never learned to take care of himself and be aware of his feelings. There were a lot more “maybes” on his list, but he knows one thing for sure-

“You’re alright?” he gets interrupted in his thoughts.

Taron looks up into his favorite pair of blue eyes. “Yes, I am more than alright,” he says.

“So, Mr. Madden, would you like to dance with me?” Richard asks and winks at him as he grabs his hand.

“I would love to,” Taron answers giggling and shakes his head.

\- Richard Madden, his husband, was the realest and best thing that ever happened to him.


End file.
